A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint

I fear..

Posted by Pepper on March 14, 2009

I am easily scared. Startled is more like it. Different things startle me and sound tops the list. A sudden shriek, a loud horn and I am sure to jump out of my skin. I then lie quivering, palpitating, gulping in air and trying to even my breath.

Sound isn’t the sole factor that brings out that reaction. I am generally fearful of anything that is even remotely frightening. I have always detested being home alone, especially at night. My mind rarely rests. I gaze at the shadows on the walls that are cast by night lamps and almost expect them to take ghostly shapes and pounce on me. I observe the light that shines through the gap beneath the doors and imagine people walking past my room. I hear fictive foot steps and my alert mind picks out the tiniest of sounds. I imagine evil spirits parading outside my room, awaiting the chance to attack me.

I try to trace my fears. I doubt its all the monsters from Goosebumps and Frankensteins spinning spooky stories in my head. What is it then? I remember my mom always narrating a paranormal experience that she had when my dad’s grandmother passed away. I grew up listening to that incident and I guess somewhere in my subconscious self, that fear was planted.

And, an incident which I shall never forget in this life time. It was the 4th day after my maternal grandfather passed away. I was sleeping in his bedroom. At that time, I proudly owned a teddy bear shaped key chain that sang ‘makarina’ when the button on the belly was pressed. I lay fast asleep when the sudden sound of makarina blaring out of the keychain woke me up. I looked around the room. There was nobody. I saw the teddy bear sitting on the side table as the song continued to progress. How in the world did it start off on its own? Was there some unknown presence that activated or set off the sound? I have never been more terrified in my life than I was during that moment. I remember leaping out of bed and scurrying to my mom and aunts who were talking in the other room. I told them what happened and they told me I either imagined it, or it was the late reaction of the button being pressed repeatedly at an earlier time. Either ways, I was left horrified.

I have always been faint hearted and my reactions have been a source of entertainment for guys. Most of them derive perverse pleasure in scaring me in diverse ways. A friend of mine takes thrill in jumping on me from some corner when I am walking in a dark corridor. Another friend once insisted on me hearing ghostly, true to life tales in a dark hotel room in Goa, and he pounced on me on the most appropriate (or in appropriate?) moment, when the wicked spirit made an appearance in his story. He enjoys telling friends about my terror filled cry that followed. I’ve been dared to watch horror movies while being locked in an empty house, I’ve been challenged to spend a night in an abandoned, seemingly haunted building. Recently, a few guy friends kept pelting my bedroom window with hardened snow balls, knowing very well how the suddennees of the impact, sound and the fear of the unknown would make me jump and tremble. My extreme reactions seem entertaining to most guys. Although my pounding heart and shaky body don’t seem very amusing to me.

I think all of us are forced to encounter our fears at some point. What inspired this post was the fright I deal with every time I step into the shower. The door of the shower cabin fits in and bangs shut on its own after a while, despite being securely locked into place in the beginning itself. I don’t know what explanation to offer, but its been happening since months. Its probably the vibration caused by the heating of the water, or some such thing. I don’t know. I’ve grown used to it and don’t get as terrified as I used to earlier, however it continues to make me jump each time it happens.

I only hope I manage to calm myself and put my fears to rest at some point.


2 Responses to “I fear..”

  1. Vimmuuu said

    LOL, I agree, Im not this wimpy ! 😀 😀 😀 Btw, that makarina sound is still a mystery, huh ?

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