The burden of choice

By nature, I am a very confused person. I don’t like being responsible for a choice. I have worried about this in the past and wondered if I suffer from some kind of a disorder. My mind jumps from one possibility to another, and I end up exhausted and yet, clueless. The choices range from vain issues like ‘what should we eat for dinner today’ to ‘which shampoo should I buy’ to more grave issues that best remain unspoken. I thought nobody could be worse than me, till I met Mint. I suppose it is his over analytical nature that is responsible for this trait. Put the two of us together, and we are lost. The dilemmas in our life never end, the decisions are never taken.

Picture this scenario – We were back home on Saturday night after a sumptuous dinner at an Indian restaurant. Mint’s friends were calling us to a pub for a few drinks. I didn’t really feel upto it.

Me: I think I’ll skip it. Why don’t you go ahead? I’ll stay back home.
Mint: No! I wont leave you alone at home and go. We either go together, or we don’t.
Me: Ok then, we dont.
Mint: But they are calling us so much. They’ll feel bad if we don’t go na?
Me: Ok then, let’s go.
Mint: No! I don’t want you to do it out of force! You shouldn’t go if you really don’t want to!
Me: Ok, so then WHAT do you want to do?
Mint: I dont knoww!!
He spent the next twenty minutes getting mad because he couldn’t make up his mind. In the end we did end go, an hour late.

The next day we had to choose between going for an air show and watching a movie. And of course, I was the one responsible for the choice. Inception was supposed to be a great movies and had great reviews too. Would that be a good choice? Or should we just go for the air show? Maybe I wont get a chance to witness something grand like that again. And we can watch the movie anytime. But the air show seems too expensive. Is it worth it? Maybe we should just go for the movie. But what if for some reason I don’t like the movie and we waste our Sunday?

It was soon time to leave and I still hadn’t made up my mind. Mint told me the theatre was on the way to the place where the air show would be held. So I had time to think while we drove, till we reached the theatre. If we got to the theatre and I had still not decided, then we would just watch the movie. I was still mentally swinging between air show and movie when I realised we had reached the theatre and he had already parked!

That made me throw a fit. I fumed, yelled at him and threw a tantrum. How could he just park like that when I had still not decided? So what if I overshot my time limit?

Later on I did calm down. I did see his point. And yes, we did see the movie. But I get back to where I started. Why are choices so difficult to make? Why are we so abnormal? I so hope we change soon, or else, God save us!

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The crazy, crazy life..

Every time someone messages me on Gtalk, they have one and only one question to ask me – ‘How is married life?’. I am not sure about the kind of answers people expect to hear. I usually reply with a ‘good’ or a ‘great’, whatever I fancy at that point of time.

I’ve been trying to understand why people believe being married changes your entire life. Well maybe at times it does, when you have an arranged marriage, when you are still trying to find a rhythm with your partner, when you are living in a joint family set up with in laws monitoring you. With me, none of those conditions exist.

I’d be exaggerating if I say marriage has changed nothing for me. It has. I now live in a different place. I live away from my parents. But beyond that, there is nothing much that I can call ‘new’ or ‘different’ in my life. I am still the same person. The house we live in is messy. Our ways are still erratic. We still live the irresponsible grad student life. We are still lazy. If people have sudden expectations from me, if they expect me to change my life style and my ways, acquire efficient house keeping abilities, turn into a fabulous cook and maintain a dazzling kitchen just because I am married, they can take a hike. Yes, I’d like to reach that level some day, but that has nothing to do with me being married.

Perhaps it is because of these prevailing expectations that so many youngsters dread marriage and view it as a life changing event. In my opinion, marriage is a hell lot of fun. I love living with Mint. In fact, a friend of mine once defined marriage as a ‘life long slumber party with your best friend’. I’d say that’s how it is. Of course the party also involves discussions that revolve around planning finances, repairing choking drains and choosing what type of cereal and bread you buy. But for me, these things only add to the excitement. Beside that, I think these aspects are associated more with living an independent life away from home and less with being married.

So what has married life been like for us? Fun, chaotic and crazy. We live in a tiny studio apartment. Which means the two of us are always in the same room at any given time. Which means we end up hugging and kissing each other a lot. Which also means we end up arguing and fighting for no apparent reason. Which means I have to forgo my birthright of banging doors and storming out to the other room in a huff, because well, there are no doors to bang and no rooms to walk into. Which means we end up making up faster than we would. On the whole, its been good and crazy, but I am desperate to move to a bigger place now. At least so that we can walk on the ground without stepping onto our stuff.

The chaotic part involves all the decisions that need to be taken regarding Mint’s MBA. Whether he should pursue it now or not. There are so many factors and variables that need to be considered that its been very rough and completely CHAOTIC. I so hope the chaos dies down soon.

The fun? That involves all the travel we’ve done. I’ve only been in the US for a few months and so far I have had a chance to visit Virginia (Charlottesville), DC, The Great Smoky Mountains, New York, Chicago and Atlanta. We surely had fun and lived it up!

Like I said, life on the whole has been chaotic and crazy, but a lot of fun 🙂