A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint

Forever, in thought

Posted by Pepper on December 13, 2010

Some months ago I lost my maternal grand mom. It hit me hard cos she was my only surviving grand parent. And losing her made me realise that I am no longer somebody’s  ‘grand child’. I wanted to write about it, but not with the bitterness I felt then. So I waited till I was in a position to celebrate her memories without remorse.

I think my grand mom was an incredible woman who was very liberal for her age. She loved eating pasta, she’d shout at my dad if he questioned me when I wore my tiny shorts at home, she always told me to go and marry someone of my choice instead of going the arrange marriage way, she made the world’s best fried aloo that had chili powder sprinkled on top, she gorged on pani puri and ice creams with a passion I haven’t seen in others, she sang wonderfully, she always told me she was waiting to dance in my wedding right from the time I was a child.

And I am glad she did. That is what leaves me with this feeling of deep satisfaction. And the fact that Mint had an opportunity to meet her. She loved him and went on telling everybody what a great guy he was. Neither of us can figure out what she saw in him in their first meeting itself. But it is soothing to know that she adored him. She passed away two months after our wedding.

In her last few years, her mind had started to lose its sharpness. She’d forget things that were told to her five minutes ago. She’d do funny things which didn’t seem acceptable to us at that time. But even in the midst of all her mental weaknesses, memories of her history remained constant. Having lived in Pakistan during the pre partition era for half of her life, she loved talking about those days, and how they fled from there during the riots. And I loved listening to her. She and I shared our birthday, and I like to believe she gifted me a part of herself.

It makes me sad to think that when I will go home this time, I wont find that short, spectacled woman with her sweet smile anywhere. But I will still look back and smile, and have a few extra pani puris to celebrate her life.

That is her, keeping the promise she made to me years ago.

And that is me, holding on to my past, with pride..


42 Responses to “Forever, in thought”

  1. Sushma said

    Hi Pepper,

    I am first time on your blog.

    Lovely post 🙂

    By reading your post I remembered the story “Portrait of a lady” by Kushwant Singh.

    How wonderfully he described her character and her beauty.


    Enjoy your vacation with loved ones.

    Take care.

  2. Scribbler said

    Tears rolling down already pepper…for two reasons…feeling for you and secondly there are too many things matching on this side…I would like to elaborate:

    My maternal granny is everything you said above except singing…she reads my blog with enthusiasm and she loves reading novels and journals even today ! I’ve *touchwood* both the set of grandparents today with me but I’ve to admit that there is a special connection between me and my maternal granny…a specifically special bond that my other siblings tease me and sometimes get angry with granny that she doesn’t love them enough as she dotes me! And God is so kind to me [thank you God] she lives in the same city that I’m in !

    I’ll also admit that there is this constant fear hanging on my head like a sword…I won’t be able to bear the loss-I just can’t imagine life without her..and reading your post made me realize that my fear is right…I just want her to live forever…!!!!

    Sorry for writing a post here but could not control my feelings…and I’m sure you’ll understand!

    I would like you to read this http://myexpositions.wordpress.com/2009/11/10/morning-walk-theory-time-to-give/

    • Pepper said

      Oh nu! You are so blessed! You have both set of grand parents and your granny lives in the same city? Grand parents are precious.. hold your grandmom tight for now. And she reads your blog? wow!

      I understand your fears about losing her. But it is that bond between you that will never be lost, no matter what. Please don’t ever apologise for the length of comments. I love long comments. Coming over to read your post..

  3. You made me remeber my Didu (Naani/ Maternal Grandma) and the way I used to be excited while visting home during holidays for I would get to be with her. I lost her in colege and the first time I went back home after that it was so weird … i can so connnect with what you feel.

    Come over girl we’ll have paani puris to ceelbrate her life 😀

  4. DI said

    🙂 That was such a heartwarming post!

  5. “And losing her made me realise that I am no longer somebody’s ’grand child”

    I felt so bad reading it…What an awesome post and i love her “Joie de vivre” while she is dancing.

    Come pepper…big hug for you

  6. Tanishka said

    Hugs to you… Straight from the heart post… Loved the positivity with which you remember your grand mom… She must be really proud of you… 🙂

  7. Bikram said

    Sorry to hear about your grand ma, Its always sad because grandparetns are the people who have pampered you so much while we are growing up, I have been very veyr lucky both my grandparents have been such beautuful people and I have spent so much time with them, I being the eldest son in the family was always pampered by them ..

    Grandma’s are amazing.. Your post reminded me I have not seen mine for 4 years now I long to go back home

    I am sure your grandma is up there looking at you and smiling 🙂

    You take care and have fun during ur holidays


    • Pepper said

      I was the eldest grandchild too, but on my dad’s side. I know they get doubly pampered 🙂
      Why don’t you plan a trip home Biks? Go see your grandma..

      • Bikram said

        I want to , I WANT TO.. but things area but haywire this side, with so many cuts coming , my job is a bit dicy at moment dont know if i am coming or going .. SO thats why ….

        just waiting for things to settle down and then woooooooooooooooooooooossssssssssssshhhhhhhhh i will go …

        when are you guys going …

  8. ajay said

    Maternal grand moms are always nice and pampering. You have such fond memories of her to cherish. Have those extra pani puris. 🙂

  9. From the half a smile I can see of her’s, she looks very adorable 🙂

  10. sh said

    I was very close to my grandmom as well..and lost her a couple of yrs back. very well written post..moved me to tears really.

  11. vimmuuu said

    Im sure shes looking down and seeing her future in you !

  12. Adore those pictures Pepper..brought me warm tears.

    Lost my favorite grand mom when in high school and still wish she could meet my hubby and now, the little paapu.

    She lived a happy content life , looks like. God bless the happy soul! 🙂

  13. Smitha said

    Your grandma certainly was a special soul! So wise, and so spirited! I can imagine how bereft you must have felt. But as you say, you should celebrate her life, her spirit, and her enthusiasm for life!

  14. Deeps said

    Beautiful, heart-felt post, Pepper! It was wonderful to know about such an incredible person as your grandmother. I have the fondest memories of my maternal grandmother, so I could relate to every bit of what said here.

    May God bless her soul.

  15. Swaram said

    It’s so sweet that u share ur birthday.
    I was extremely attached to mine and lost her before she cud even see me getting married 😦 Thatz one thing which hurts me til now 😦 I soo wanted her presence there! U were lucky to hv her with u on ur special day Mint 🙂 Hugs!
    Oh, she was the last surviving grandparent I had too 😦

    • Pepper said

      Hugs! We do feel the loss when grandparents leave us. I still regret my paternal grandparents and maternal grand father not being around for my wedding and not meeting Mint..So i know how you feel 🙂

  16. sm said

    lovely post
    with beautiful pics

  17. Titaxy said

    beautiful post…brought me to tears…hugs!

  18. Such a sweet post! 🙂
    I absolutely adore my naana-naani too! Your post made me wish I could take a month off and go spend some time with them right now!

  19. I loved this post. Reminded me so much of the relationship I share with my own grandmother.

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