A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint

Response to ‘Let him drive please’

Posted by Pepper on September 20, 2011

A few days ago I wrote this post on what I thought was a sexist ad.

I was particularly disturbed by one comment I got.

This is what a commenter, Anil said:

Agree with this ad 100%. All women do is bump their gums on the telephone. Without complements, the women of this world will die in self loath.

I’m the boss in my dept and I’ve made it clear to our HR manager that the less women we hire the better it is for business. I can’t yell at women. If I do, I feel guilty. My guys have no problem spending the whole night doing urgent work. But the women pack up and leave everything the clock hits 5; 6 at the most. If I keep them late by command, there safe and secure delivery to their homes at late night automatically becomes my responsibility. I have to spend 800 bucks on “meru cabs” for them.

Women should stay in kitchen. If they start working, they become my headache. I’m fully aware that this comment sounds misogynist but this is how I feel. Sorry if it has hurt anyone.”

This was my response to him:

Anil, your comment is highly offensive and demands a lot of restrain from me. I am going to try my very best to be polite in my responses to your statements.
Let’s take this bit by bit.

All women do is bump their gums on the telephone. Without complements, the women of this world will die in self loath.”
What are you talking about may I know? Are you really telling me every woman is alive only because of the constant compliments she gets from the average male? I wonder what kind of women you’ve encountered in that case. Perhaps you’ve never had the fortune of meeting a bold, strong headed and confident woman.

I’m the boss in my dept and I’ve made it clear to our HR manager that the less women we hire the better it is for business. I can’t yell at women. If I do, I feel guilty..
Its a pity there are so many bosses like you in India. You are not supposed to be “yelling” in a professional setup anyway. You can express your disapproval without yelling. You should treat the women at your work place in the same professional manner you treat the men in. If you are yelling, then you should be feeling guilty, irrespective of whether you are yelling at a man or a woman.

My guys have no problem spending the whole night doing urgent work. But the women pack up and leave everything the clock hits 5; 6 at the most.
Do you know why? Because most women have to go through a whole new work shift once they get home. Their husbands do not contribute at home at all. Had the men in our country been brought up in a way in which they believed that the house work and the kids were as much their responsibility as the woman’s, the women at your workplace wouldn’t have to rush back by 6.

If I keep them late by command, there safe and secure delivery to their homes at late night automatically becomes my responsibility. I have to spend 800 bucks on “meru cabs” for them.”
Again, do you know why? It is because women are constant victims of sexual harassment and assaults caused by men. It is because most men view every lone girl on an isolated street as an opportunity. Do you really think women enjoy guarding their dignity every moment or living in an unsafe environment all the time? So ultimately who do you think is responsible for you having to spend 800 bucks on a Meru cabs to ensure your female employee gets home safely at night?

Women should stay in kitchen. If they start working, they become my headache
How much more chauvinistic can you get? First you subject women to such intense oppression and they go ahead and blame the same women for the consequent scenario? You believe women should stay in the kitchen and not work, otherwise they become your headache. Great. You want to suppress the ailment instead of wanting to cure it by treating the root cause. This attitude will help nobody. If you really want to improve the scenario, maybe you should think of men wanting to take on equal responsibility at home. Maybe you should think of men cooking dinner and feeding the kids. Maybe you should think of men learning to hold their urges and not view women as objects of their desire.”

********

And then he asked me a very simple question. How does knowing all this solve his problem? I did answer him, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

The problem we have at hand cannot be solved immediately. It will take years, probably even decades for there to be gender equality in India. Clearly, Anil is impacted by the current situation. The change that will come about after years will not benefit him as a Manager. What are people like him supposed to do today? They do seem to be at the losing end if they hire women. Why then would they be motivated to hire female employees ?

Please note, I am not talking about men and women in the blogging community. I know most women do not have chauvinistic partners, and that most of us work in places that give due consideration to equal opportunities. I am talking about the general Indian population, the million small to mid sized firms that are not familiar with the concept of equal opportunity, the million women who can’t afford to stay back late, the many managers like Anil who do not hire women.

In the current scenario, what reason does a manager like Anil have to hire a woman, when hiring a man is much more effective? Your thoughts?

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48 Responses to “Response to ‘Let him drive please’”

  1. SK said

    Sorry it picked a raw nerve. I hate such an attitude, thinking of women as a burden. More so when women are happy being so…
    One and only reason why I don’t want to go back to India now, may be mellowed later.
    I digress.

    To answer your question, I think women do bring a different perspective to the table at work. Work life balance is applicable not just to the woman but to every working individual. Women I think are more sincere and hardworking, smart as well. In fact juggling work and home makes them great mutiltaskers and super efficient!

  2. Tan said

    The chauvinistic attitude should start changing from within each and every individual, whether man or woman… The change will not happen overnight and there is no use waiting for society to change first for us to make the change coz we are the society.

    A manager like Anil should hire a woman because of equal qualification and skill at work like any man…also, for a manager like Anil to shout at an employee; tolerance power exhibited by a woman is of a higher level when compared to the male counterparts. Then, regarding staying late, it is not good for any person to stay late after office hours coz every person has a right to their life outside work. So, managers like Anil should stop making employees sit late at office.

  3. Hi Pepper,

    Although I am outraged at the commenter’s attitude, this is not the first time I’ve come across such people. I’ve seen very well-educated and otherwise-nice men who go on to say they want to get married to a professional girl but she should stay at home, take care of the domestic chores and socialise with her ‘new’ family.

    Most women can do their-assigned-work in the stipulated 9-6 work hours as against most men who tend to stretch the same work beyond midnight. This is what I’ve witnessed in my close-to-5-years of corporate world exposure. Bottom line – Women are more committed and efficient than men. One big good reason to have them hired. (Please note that I say ‘most’ men and women.)

  4. R's Mom said

    *gasp*

    I dont even has anything to tell this guy!

    I totally give up..today is my happy birthday and I refuse to spoil my mood by even responding to his comment..

    I love you Pepper (I did tell that earlier na!)

    and I loved the responses you gave him..gah to you Mr. Anil!

  5. Anjali said

    Hey Pepper, I’m back… :-). Good post…and a very good question I must say.
    I would say there are many incentives for a manager to hire women (though not for a manager like Anil, he’s better off without women, or maybe vice-versa) , women are hard-working and dedicated to their job, by their very nature they are more sincere and honest, lesser women are likely to waste time on cigarette breaks and such random activities than their male counterparts…Also in today’s scenario of work from home in some industries, especially software, the need of physically being in the office at odd hours is very low…and on the one off occassion many women do accomodate…for regular day to day work, there’s pretty much no difference in the productivity of a man or a woman…anyway, a thought provoking post indeed…will read your other post too….

  6. Bikram said

    Oooops no thoughts on anything. I wonder is mr. Anil treats the women in his household the same.

    There are some points I like in both of your conversation but I am not elaborating. It what we experience.

    All I will say lets treat others as we want to be treated ourself…

  7. Bravo!

    I loved your responses…and i am glad i dont know this person 🙂

  8. childwoman said

    One word for Anil: LOSER.

    He is not only a bad boss, but even a worse human being. I really feel bad for all the women in his life.

    No matter how educated you, and even when the parents have given good upbringing, some men just dont get it.

    I have two elder brothers. Both of them are bosses in the departments. And so are thier wives. My brothers help out at home and also take care of thier wives and kids.

    My dad also helps out at home with small stuff. We dont ask him to, but he wants to and thinks it is the right thing. if you are living with family then, everyone should chip in.

    My bosses are men. If they send women home early, then men are also free to do so. And if the men stay late to finish off the work, the women are expected to do the same. I have been in the office well beyond 11 at times. And yes, a good boss does call for a ‘meru cab’ for dropping thier employees to thier home. Be it women or men.

    All I can say that Anil has got it all wrong. Not only he is warped in his brain, but he is a very sad guy who has no idea what a 21st century woman is all about.

    His comment was highly offensive. And so the comments he is going to get are also going to be highly offensive.

    And too good answers to his masochist comments, Pepper.

  9. Firstly, Pepper I applaud you for the answers you gave and the very valid questions you asked.

    If an employer wants to
    – have the freedom to yell at employees and disrespect them
    – have the freedom to ‘make’ and not request them to stay back
    – cares nothing whatsoever about the employee’s basic requirements, safety and benefits
    … I would hate to work there. And it doesn’t matter what sexual organs I have. Simple. Even if somebody did take up a job in such a toxic atmosphere, it would only be to pay bills but not maintain a relationship with the company. What employers need to understand is that employees are assets and they need to be taken care of. Any businessman with foresight will agree to this.

    Why hire women he asks, why not I ask. All you need is a qualified and/or experienced person. How does it matter what their gender, sexual orientation or religion is? 

    If he is stating only the above reasons to not hire women, he is soon to be reduced to rags. With women performing better than men in schools and colleges, he will be left to choose the non-performers to begin with. This is his own attitude adjustment problem(along with a few other males) and not a nation-wide problem. I think my country is far more honourable than this.

    And lastly on women to be in kitchen alone- he has no right to not hire a woman(let me introduce the term ‘discrimination’ here which is punishable by law) and absolutely no right whatsoever to say what she rather be doing. Thankfully, many employers today are not as disgraceful!

  10. neha said

    First of all..His question..How does knowing all this solve his problem? .. Mr MCP should realise that he himself is his own problem.. So unless he changes his mindset, his problems wont get solved. howmuchever women get liberated and stay back at work :/

    If any firm does not know about equal opportunity, then they must, and that should be the reason to hire a individual, irrespective of gender. If not conscience, then maybe law is the reason in this case?! Waiting at work after hours should anyways be a non-frequent scenario. If it becomes an everyday affair then that reflects on the incompetence of MR manager. And yes, I do agree that waiting after hours once in a while is quite ok, and I have personally not seen any women complaining. And I know a lot of (married) women working late hours, like the rest of the employees.

  11. Kavs said

    Pepper – your composed way of responding to this comment is just beyond commendable. I’m still seething with anger. But then guys like him will never learn. They will never see what women have achieved in a society such as ours – where the most telling indicator of how women are treated is the highly skewed gender ratio, female foeticides and killing the girl child at birth. (How inhuman can the people grow in their hatred for a girl child to actually kill a baby??)

    To this guy, whoever you are – live in your world where you want to yell at your co-workers and keep them at their work at your command. By the time you wake up, the rest of the world would have moved on. With no place for you.

  12. “What reason does a manager like Anil have to hire a woman, when hiring a man is much more effective? Your thoughts?”

    I find this line of questioning dangerous, to say the least. We should either have a system that acknowledges what a woman does at the home front(in addition to the office front) or have a system where the woman has enough support from her partner so that this question doesn’t arise at all.

    It would be easy for people like Anil to say, “okay, not my problem. where is my solution?”. In that case, it should also be possible for women to say, “okay, the home/safety is not my problem. I can stay on for extra office hours”. But we know it isn’t.

    This system where long working hours is glorified is such a menace. When we start in our career, we pride ourselves in not having a life, in working like slaves. This culture is, for obvious reasons, encouraged by the managers(when I stayed up until 5/6 in the morning and did 20 hr weeks, my manager was all glowing praise for me).It doesn’t take long for us to realize that this system is not sustainable. Funnily, the americans and canadians I met and interacted with, were never wary of showing that their family was important/first priority and that they did not stay beyond office hours unless absolutely necessary. Curiously, they also got more work done, loved what they did and were damn good at what they did. Just that they had a life beyond office and everybody respected that.

    Perhaps dear Anil should get married to someone like you or me. We’d never be okay with doing all the hard work at home while he was being the slave master at work and wondering why the heck women can’t stay door mats, wondering why the heck he has to shell money for cabs.

    • Pepper said

      SAB, that line of questioning might be dangerous, but unfortunately, it a factual reality. And of course you know that I am not the one raising that question right? Those kind of questions are being raised by a lot of employers around us all the time. I am only trying to open the issue for a bigger discussion. Just so that we have solid, indisputable answers to give the questioning authorities in future.

      You, like most others are only telling me how things *should* be. I know we shouldn’t promote a culture in which working late hours is the norm. I know men like Anil should get married to women like us. But unfortunately, that is not how things are 😦 The work culture in India IS very exploitative. They do not understand the meaning of ‘Work Life Balance’. Most women in India are meek. Most Indian women feel “privileged” when they are allowed to work. Most men are trained to believe that the home is solely the woman’s responsibility, even if she is working herself. And most Anils find doormats as wives.

      So, in the current scenario, if hiring a women means her not staying back in office when there is work, wouldn’t the manager prefer hiring a man? How should we tackle that?

      • well, there is NO simple answer or solution! I wish there was, seeing that its ultimately women who will miss out on job opportunities, thanks to people like these.

        Like all gender issues, the solution begins from home – I’m not being utopian in trying to telling you how things “should” be, I’m only trying to say that you can’t pull a magic solution to tackle this, when the issue is so deep rooted – Actually, the last but one paragraph in your reply contains the solutions – unless we fix the contributing issues, how can we expect the resultant issue to have a simple answer?

        And as for questioning authorities, I don’t think there is one. Anil(I wonder if that’s even his real name) mentions all this in a comment in a blog – would he do that in his workplace? call for a debate and announce his opinions publicly? If we had such a work environment, we would have already made progress – a HR manager with that bias will do it quietly pepper, it’s damaging to any organization’s “image”(esp. with everyone talking about diversity in workplace). Much of logical reasoning is indisputable, but a “fit answer” as far as I know, doesnt get us anywhere. Anil here wants a magic solution – and that doesn’t exist and it’s ridiculous we should even consider answering his question, seeing the basic questions that we are yet to answer.

        PS : No, pepper, I didn’t mean that you raised the question – I saw that Mr. Anil had, so it was him I meant. I just think we have to go back to basics and address the issues at the family/home level before we consider answering biased questions.

      • Nikita said

        I cant agree more with the line “Most Indian women feel “privileged” when they are allowed to work”.. its not about me.. but my parents… My highly educated, working, open minded parents… when it came to finding a guy for me…. I have just started doubting my opinions for them… I am not sure if they are the same ‘cOOL’ parents i always known them to be..

        One of the family they really like.. they are ‘allowing’ their would be DIL to work.. i dont know if it was abt them… or the way my parents put it.. they say as if its a big deal.. n its pissing me off like anything.. I said after always making me realise how important its to have a career, after always giving importance to studies/jobs/learning everythin.. this is what you have to say.. Allowing me to work…wtf..if they don’t.. then there is some problem with the guy’s family.. they are – so thats totally normal. NOthing to discuss abt it..

        And you what else they did.. they passed on my blog address to the guys/guy’s family they kinda liked.. though it sure gave some great visits to my blog.. but hellooo – thats my personal space, i hate people commenting on it.. and random guys talkin about my blog.. when we were having conversations.. in sudden outrage – i deleted my blog.. my beloved 4 years blog….i deleted my fb profile….This arrange marrige thing. is sick.. n sicker the way your own parents change when it comes to marriage.. they are open abt me finding a guy——- but its equally difficult.. I m not sure.. what am i sayin.. I m just venting it all out…

        • Pepper said

          God.. I am sorry to hear that Nikita. Unfortunately, that is how things seem to be for most people. But then, I wouldn’t blame your parents you know. Most guys parents do not “allow” their dils to work. Ultimately your parents have to choose from the available lot. At least they want to make sure you go to a family that has no issues with you working no?
          I know it sounds crazy when we think of it. Why should any other person even have a say on our life? But in India, people believe they own their DILs and wives. And this whole arranged marriage scenario gets very sticky.

          Dammit, they passed on your blog link? Now that would have made me really mad. So that is why you deleted your blog 😦 . You could have made it private na? Anyway, maybe you can start over? with a new name and a new identity?

          • Nikita said

            Thanks pepper.. dont know what to say… Right now the state I am in, I just dont feel good about my parents. Feels they live in an ideal world – and dont wanna see the reality, dont understand their own daughter and claim to know/understand some random guy totally based out of his family.

            And about the blog – yes, i did started another as soon as started a new Job in a new city – http://hyderabadiaries.blogspot.com but just dont feel like writing anymore. It seems i have lost it.. :(. Though attempted to write something after a long gap as recent as yesterday, but not too happy about it either.

  13. First off, I’m offended by the comment. But I also know that there are many men who think like that.

    I don’t have count of the number of times people came up to me with this subject when I was working. AND I WAS HR ! I was like “Really? you want to talk to a woman about not hiring women or not having them on your project?” I know not many people liked the way I put things bluntly because it did not solve their problem and instead it became a gender issue. Like you’ve already said, it cannot be solved overnight. It has to happen gradually and people (both men and women) have to change their perspective about the opposite gender.

    I also remember some cases where men were mugged and robbed (sometimes even stabbed!) on the street when they were returning from work late at night. If women face issues, men do too. Safety is a concern for both genders.

  14. First , I am much impressed by your response to the offending sound of the comment. You were dignified and to the point.

    Second, the workign women and the late hours issue. I spent a few minutes thinkign over it along with some comparison with work culture here in the US, where people ahdere to their 9 to 5 timings and still get their work done. I have worked in India too and must say there is a wide difference in work time culture. When work hours are set to 8 per day ( 9 at the max), why not stick to that? Why do we have tasks planned for employees ( men/women) beyond those 8 hours? Somethign wrong in planning the ‘projects’, don’t you think?

    Of course, there can be exceptions. Once a while there can be a long day, putting out fires and doing some balancing act at work. But, if it becomes a everyday affair, there is certainly somethign wrong with the work-time planning. I would like the commentor ( Anil) to see if men in his company spend late hours almost every day? Then, check to see where he went wrong planning the task assignment?

    I think no person should not be overworked. Men/women getting back home to family and loved ones by 6 pm is a sign of a healthy society.No manger/employee should crib about it.

    • Pepper said

      I know there should be better planning. But I think we also need to address the root causes here. In India, they are unable to achieve the same results as the US because they lack the resources, not because they are inefficient planners. For example, they don’t have the budget to hire more employees. So a team of 5 is doing what a team of 8 should be doing. The team members have pressing deadlines and they are over worked, that forces them to stay back after office hours. Also, a lot of IT companies have US based clients that demand interaction which can only happen at night (IST). So things get messy.

      In cases like these, when the team has a tight budget and can only afford to hire one employee who has a critical role to play, they believe a man can be more reliable than a woman. That may be true because of the given circumstances in India. I was wondering if we have an immediate solution that we can offer to employers that will make them more willing to hire women.

      • PVS said

        hi Pepper,

        First of all, sorry for not commenting before.

        From your reply above, ” For example, they don’t have the budget to hire more employees. So a team of 5 is doing what a team of 8 should be doing. ” I find that this might be true in very few cases. In most of the cases, we Indians like to while away our time. Where else would you find people taking an hours break for tea, 30 mins break for a smoke and 2 hours break for lunch. All this eats into the legitimate work time. Another aspect is coming in late to office. Our normal work time starts at 9:30 or 10. Whereas in western countries I find people coming in ealier to work and leaving earlier too so that they can spend time with their family.

        • Pepper said

          That is an interesting thought PVS.
          But I spoke to Mint, and he said the same kind of stuff happens at his work place too. People take long breaks for lunch, go to the gym, take long smoke breaks, etc. In fact, many pals tell me that over here, Indians work more sincerely than Americans. Also, I would say not too many work places in India will have that kind of a culture.
          Other than that, even if Indians do take such long breaks that eat into the legitimate work time, I would think it is because they have such long hours and need that respite, instead of it being vice versa. I didn’t think their work hours are increased because they waste so much time. I think their hours wont change even if they are working constantly. I don’t know..

      • PVS said

        btw, your reply to Anil was very good. Anil, cleanse your mind first and all others would toe the line.

  15. Sangitha said

    It starts with people like Anil changing – at the very least, the yelling has to go, whether it is a man or a woman on the other end. Men have no feelings, right? Hiring a man or woman is not the point and we need to go gender neutral. Without our going gender neutral, equality does not have a chance.

    I don’t see the media houses dropping their women employees back and they work all hours of the night. What’s with taking responsibility for a woman’s way back home? Either get everyone transport or tell people to handle it themselves. His problem is in his mind.

  16. ajay said

    That’s a dignified response to a highly offensive and denigrating comment. Kudos. Clearly the person needs to open his eyes. My response to him would be – why do you hire women at all and then whine about it later? Do you think firms hire them just because they are women? They are hired because they are able, efficient and qualified. Such twisted logic and baseless arguments and then extending it to judge them in totally doesn’t behoove of a rational, educated man much less of a boss.

  17. Nikita said

    Really? This person exists; lives; breadths in today’s era? I hate him already and loved your responses…

  18. Shalini said

    Hey Pepper –

    Here I am a Victim and a Living Example of this kind of Male Chavanism – Lemme be clear on my background :

    I’m an Engineering Grad – Started at a awesome US MNC in Bangalore worked there for a good 3.5 yrs…won awards – Achivement award, Technical Author Award …Left the company coz my hubby moved to Singapore….

    Fast forward to NOW : I was employed by this organisation with full transperancy that I’m a mom..I cannot Travel…I will work only from 9 -5.- BTW this agreement was with the CEO…Then comes my immediate manager – Who made my life worse – my only draw back – ” I’m leaving office at 5.00 and unable to travel ” My Son fell sick this july and I was at home tending him for a week and the next week I get to office and this Male Chavanist Manager offers me my lettter of good bye…I walked out with a Smile – if he is so unhumane to understand the plight of a child with Viral Fever..I may as well stay at home rather than work under such people !

    I’m looking for new offers now – As far as we have such people like Mr. Anil and my manager in the world…We women will be sufferrers !

    Thanks for helping me vent out my feelings ! loved ur answers !

    • Pepper said

      I am so sorry to hear that Shalini. This angers me so much. I don’t know what to say.
      But really, its not worth working for a manager as chauvinistic as him. I am sure you will eventually find other employers who will happily grab you. Your former manager is the one losing out on talent because of his attitude.
      I wish I could find a way to eradicate all such managers. The fact that we can’t do much about it bothers me the most.

    • cruelworld said

      was staying back after 5 a need or just a fancy ? no private company today commits to fixed working hours in writing towards its employees.

      If that was hurting business, then it’s justifiable letting go.

      • Pepper said

        Yes. Of course it is justifiable to let go of anythign that hurts the business. But for all you know, so many women might not hurt the business but might actually profit the organisation. Do you think it is justifiable to live with such gender biases?

  19. Double Inverted Commas said

    Why can’t men be more self-assured? Why do they see themselves threatened by career women I don’t understand. Another thing I find unfair is that a businessman will be called hard-working, but a businesswoman is called hard-nosed. Arrgh!

  20. rani said

    Everything sensible has already been said.
    I just hav to that i’d hate to be anil’s wife, sister,friend or even his mother. And no way his employee.

  21. Gayatri said

    Hats off to you Pepper for writing such a logical and restrained response. I’d have probably given him a dose of swear words! I think his comment reeks of not only ignorance and prejudice, but also arrogance. He almost feels entitled to a more productive life because he’s a man. And you know I’ve had the misfortune of dealing with such people in a working environment. While they hate the idea of hiring women, they love going on business meetings with women clients from another company. The hypocrisy!!!!

  22. Deboshree said

    I am glad you responded to him in such a sensible and err, correct manner. I doubt if I would have had the restraint to do the same. If people of his clan multiply, I can only see woes untold in the distant horizon. This ‘boss’ talks so sneeringly about the financial drain that female employees cause him, not to forget the pains he has to take in not yelling. I think , like you said, he has certainly not encountered a strong and confident female who wouldn’t take such behaviour for a single moment. How wonderful it would be if he had to toe the line and bow down to a female boss. Talking about women being a headache. Hello, which century is he from?

  23. Aneesa said

    I think anil accomplished what he wanted and that wasn’t a reaction and some attention. He is just an attention seeker. That’s what his futile comments tell me about him.

    But your responses told me a lot about you too. Congrats on giving such dignified, controlled and to the point replies. It told me you are smart, intelligent and won’t let just anyone rattle your cage.

    We have come a long way in how women are perceived and treated. If you go back a few decades you will see what I mean. We still have a long way to go and we will get there. Small minded people like anil won’t be able to stop this progress or hinder it.

    One day men like anil Will be a minority with no voice at all.

  24. Tanishka said

    You answered him very well peppy…. I think some men really need to change their view toward women…. They need to understand that women especially those who are married are managing more than what they should be… They are stretching far beyond their capacity without complaining and then what do they get in return…. Some nasty comments from some MCP’s…..

  25. Love your responses, lady!

    Being a working wife myself, I know how I long to reach home from work so that I can begin the next set of chores (after a lonnnnnggggg day at work) – taking care of my home and caring for my family. I am lucky to have a husband who helps me out at home, but I know many wives who do not have that. Between the two of us, we manage to keep a home – and office – running, but it is, honestly, a strain on us. An ideal situation would be us managing both in a stress-free way, and not compromising on one for the other. Hardly possible today! If my work afforded me the flexibility to manage my home the way I want to, without getting stressed over it, I wouldn’t be so tensed at work – and I wouldn’t be wanting to rush back home every day. That’s where the key to peace lies – for both me and my manager.

    That said, I know of a number of working wives who do put in long hours at work, and wonderful work too. I know of women who do not ‘bang their gums on the phone all day long’ (I can’t say how much I hate that statement!). It would be wrong to generalise ALL women and put them in the same bracket.

    There are a number of amazingly talented and efficient women out there, who just cannot work due to the situation at home – because they do not want their families to suffer due to their work. Sometimes, the families themselves do not understand what a tight rope the lady is walking, managing both. It is a matter of shame if managers lose out on a wonderful talent pool due to this.

  26. Amrita Dora said

    Hi…I came across your blog today and this is the first post I read…I was seething with anger when I read the rude comment and I really admire the way you handled it. Had it been me, I would have lashed out with a string of abuses. Such men are a shame to the Indian society. I have come across a few (none so bad I admit) whom I have tried to change with plausible explanations and arguments. Hope one day Indian men will change, though I’m sure it is not going to happen anytime soon!!!

    P.S. Loving your blog 🙂

    • Pepper said

      Thanks a lot Amrita. It is hard to change some men with plausible explanations and arguments. If you’ve managed to do that successfully, you should consider yourself victorious 🙂

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