A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint

I have no excuse..

Posted by Pepper on February 23, 2013

I’ve been experiencing something strange in the past few days, or perhaps, weeks. I feel completely devoid of energy. I feel dead. Literally. The dictionary defines ‘alive’ as ‘Having life, vigour or spirit’. I certainly don’t meet that criteria. Most days, I feel too dead to move a muscle.

I find it rather strange, because I hardly subject my body to any kind of physical exertion. Far from it. I get adequate sleep. More than 8 hours in fact. I hit the bed by 11 pm. 11:30 at the most. I wake up not before 7:45 in the morning. I get my breakfast and coffee in hand. I take an auto to work, avoiding the hassle of crowded buses and trains.

And yet, by about noon, I find myself dead. And stressed out. All I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up. I drag myself and get a coffee to my desk. I feel like I need to physically push myself to get on with the day. I get another coffee around 4 pm to keep going.

The past few days, I have even been leaving office in good time. I leave by 6:30, or 7 in the evening. I take an auto back home and I am lying on my couch by 7:30. Although I am back home, I find it very hard to disconnect from work. My mind is worrying about the next day. When I bring my laptop to browse, I find it too hard to believe that I actually do  have the freedom to log on to whatever site I want to now, because mentally, I am still seated on my desk, at work. So many times, I have to shake myself out of reverie and consciously make myself focus on, just being home. I know that sounds weird.

By around 8 pm, I feel so dead, like I have just returned from a war field. I feel unreasonably exhausted, so I simly continue lying on the couch and doing nothing. I get my dinner in hand. Yes, I request my mom to serve me, because I don’t find the energy to go to the kitchen and bring my plate. She usually ‘babies’ me and I get the food laid in front of me, and guess what, I feel too tired to eat. Because that involves moving my muscles. I do manage to eat, go and change into my pajamas, toss my used clothes on a chair in my room only to see them vanish the next day. They get washed, ironed and are  moved to my wardrobe. The same cycle repeats the next day. After changing into my night clothes, I usually go back to the couch with my laptop, either browse or watch some TV, and then go to bed by 11, feeling terribly, terribly tired.

I mentally yell at myself a lot. This exhaustion and lack of energy is not justified. What am I doing through out the day? I mean, I am just fortunate I am living with my parents, so I manage to get everything in hand. Otherwise, a typical day would involve waking up in the morning, fixing breakfast, perhaps even lunch, going to work using public transport (including crowded trains), rushing back home, fixing dinner, tidying up the house, folding clothes, cleaning the kitchen and doing other domestic chores before calling it a day. And once you have a baby in the picture, your energy level needs to double up.

Why do I feel so unequipped to face life? Why do I feel so dead without doing anything? I know I can’t afford to feel like this for too long. Soon, I will be forced to shoulder responsibility and run a home. How will I find the stamina? Most people do not seem to need more than 6 hours of sleep in a day. I find even 8 hours too little. Why can’t I be like the rest?

I feel the fatigue surfacing even on the weekend. All I want to do is sleep in. There is a growing list of friends and family that I want to meet. Every weekend I make promises of meeting them the following weekend, only to feel too dead again. There are a lot of errands I need to run, places I want to go to, people I want to catch up with, but at this rate, I will continue to lead a wasted life. Is there some way I can infuse some zest and energy into my body? Sigh.


44 Responses to “I have no excuse..”

  1. sandhyak said

    What about nutrition? Eating healthy? If yes you can try wheat grass . It packs a punch and increases energy. Been having it for a week and can actually see the difference

    Been there some days, usually vitamiin B def may cause this..

    But if that is not the case just take it easy for a few days things will get better ;–) may just be a phase
    Hope you feel better!

  2. Hey! My first thoughts……… go for a check up. Seems like a deficiency to me – vitamins, or sunlight or both. Though living in India, you would be getting balanced meals and therefore wholesome nutrition, but still…..you never know. Find a “reliable” (can’t stress than enough) Doc and you should be well on your way to Zest, energy and anything else you want 😉 !!

  3. Amrita said

    Hello! Here is some unsolicited advice (with good intentions) but I too went through a similar phase and turned out it was due to iron deficiency. Apparently it’s pretty common among young Indian girls so maybe it’s just as simple as that 🙂

  4. Satori said

    Hi Pepper,

    Not to sound preachy, but it maybe that your job is not something you enjoy and hence it is causing you so much mental stress and this could be affecting your body too. Maybe you should have a full health checkup, especially your thyroid levels! And introspect whether you really feel enthusiastic about the job or not… I feel this would really help…I used to feel so stressed about my job even when there were no deadlines etc simply because deep down it wasn’t the job I wanted to do..I had no enthusiasm or passion with regards to that job…

    Take care of yourself. Nurture your body and mind..I really hope things improve for you!

    • Pepper said

      Ofcourse you aren’t sounding preachy Satory. I absolutely dislike my job. I’ve stated that openly on the blog. Yes, that does weigh on me. Not sure what I should do about that 😦

  5. GS said

    Assuming you have not been diagnosed with clinical depression and are not in early stages of pregnancy 🙂 , I would recommend a blood test for anemia (low iron levels) and thyroid function. You’d be surprised in how many ways this affects our general well being. Speaking from experience 🙂

    • Pepper said

      I might be burdened with worries, but I am don’t think I am clinically depressed. And I am most certainly not pregnant. So looks like it has something to do with the blood counts and all that.. 🙂

  6. AI said

    I have been reading your blog for long time and really enjoy reading your posts but never commented before, just a thought maybe you need to get your bloodwork done, sometimes low iron level,b12 and vitamin D levels cause lot of fatigue. Maybe you could join some hobby class or something like that which will help you take your mind off work. I used to (sometimes still do) feel very lazy when I visited my mom…its just that sometimes we want to become the kid again 🙂

  7. aquaboyin said

    I find laptops and internet to be the major reason for fatigue. Stop using them on a regular basis and see your energy return 🙂

    They just consume your energy mentally and you end up having no more energy physically.

  8. Ashwathy said

    Ok hold on. You are not alone.

    First of all, the number of hours of sleep vary a lot from person to person. While many people are ok with six hours, I know I need 8 hours uninterrupted. And my hubby dear needs 9-10 hours. No, I am serious. He feels really rested only after that, and on many days he turns grumpy if his sleep is not well.

    Secondly, your work and the number of hours you put in extra may be finally taking its toll on you. And showing up later. You were on a roll at that time so your body didn’t have the time to show the stress. So now that you have slowed down, all of that is coming back to you. I suggest yout take it slow for some days, get proper sleep and eat on time (whether you feel like it or not). Get your routine back to normal and it should get better.

    • Pepper said

      Thanks Ashwathy. A lot of people, including my inlaws, insist that the body doesn’t need more than 6 hours of sleep. They say anything beyond that is simply indulgence. It is not a biological need. If we believe we need 8 hours, we are playing with our own psyche. So people who say they need 8 hours, actually ‘want’ 8 hours.

      I know that is not true. A lot of times I end up with a headache and feel strained through out the day if I haven’t had adequate sleep. Very happy to find others like me. I can easily sleep for 9-10 hours, but 8 hours is something I can’t do without.

  9. ajay said

    This has more to do with mental well being. We follow exact same routine everyday and it starts feeling monotonous and drab. I would suggest the following:

    1) Eat healthy. Try to reduce/eliminate junk food.

    2) Exercise 15 minutes a day in the morning.

    3) Take out some alone time everyday. Meditate, contemplate or just think nothing for that period.

    4) Cut down on TV time. 🙂

    5) Pick new interests. Venture out.

    6) Read books before you go to sleep. Keep reading until you fall asleep.

    • Pepper said

      I need to find time and motivation to exercise. I’ve been putting it off forever. Thanks for reminding me. 🙂 That will be the hardest to implement. The rest, I think I can follow.

  10. It happens…but I do also believe its a phase, and that we tend to rise up to the occasion and shoulder responsibilities as they come our way…

  11. Hrishi said

    Have you considered taking a long chhuti maybe? A quarter of it to just sleep, half to go visit some where where you can lounge as well as swim or bike around, and another quarter to rest again.

    Maybe something is worrying you from the inside? Generally for me, the cue is whatever is in my dreams

    • Pepper said

      Can’t afford a long chutti 😦 But I have a short chutti coming up soon. Have taken this Friday off, and that should give me a good 3 day break.

      Yes, something huge is worrying me from inside. I guess that could be causing this too.

  12. R's Mom said

    Well there are phases like that na..it happens to everyone..happened to me yesterday..didnt want to lift a finger honestly

    Dont worry too much Pepper, such phases pass away fast and you will be back to your normal self…thankfully your parents are around eh?

    • Pepper said

      It’s okay if it happens once in a while. For me, the phase has been stretching into weeks. Thankfully, my parents are taking me through it, but I hope I become a little active soon!

  13. OHW said

    I can so relate to this Pepper. Feels I have been there too, feeling totally devoid of energy all the time, for me it was my job which I wasn’t enjoying. And there are few people who like us for them earning money doesn’t tempt, you also gotta enjoy the work you do as well. And being the regular at your blog, it may the same for you or may be the physical distance from Mint is taking its toll now.

    Hope you come over this Pepper. We love you the Happy, Peppy, Full of energy YOU.

    • Pepper said

      Absolutely, I do not work only for the money, it’s a lot more than that. So the money alone doesn’t offer gratification. Not that I get much money anyway. And of, the distance from Mint, don’t even get me started. Thankfully, that might be ending soon..

      Thanks so much! Your comment made me smile. 🙂

  14. shaktii said

    i know what you mean.. i have been der and done that too when i was in my moms place after marriage even with my kid on toe 🙂
    Even now when all the responsibilities on my shoulders at my house i feel the same sometimes..im lucky enough that my hubby does the essential when i go into that mode..but of course feeding my kid and folding clothes is my duty as always..these rare days my hubby cooks, cleans house and kitchen..so dont worry once the need arrives you will automatically start doing things..also remember the universe can accommodate us in whatever stage we are..so the things will be done at the required time by itself..

  15. Smita said

    Get your Hemoglobin checked!!!

  16. Go get your thyroid checked, rightaway!! Been there 🙂

  17. Came with some ideas to put forward, but saw them all written down by the rest already. I think –

    1. There’s some deficiency or low blood pressure of some such thing. Otherwise , this kind of fatigue isn’t justified.
    2. The job environment is really really getting to you and manifesting physically this way.
    3. Combination of both above.

    Go see a doc. seriously.You’ll realize this is all it took to get you back on track 🙂

  18. pixie said

    hugs babes!
    get your thyroid levels checked! And take multi-vit and iron tablets as recommended by a good doc.
    I hope you feel better soon

  19. Hi Pepper,

    There are 2 things I would like to share:

    1. It maybe a phase. But it is not a good phase for you are young and there is so much to do, right? Sorry, I may sound like a school kid here but I honestly feel that sometimes getting into a routine may spark off tiredness that has no udnerlying reason other than feeling lethargic. I am not saying you are lazy (definitely not) but just that sometimes we get tired and get into “relax” mode and end up stretching it a bit. So, I would still say that probably changing something in your routine, pushing aside your tiredness as just a block and cooking up a meal or just doing something inspiring may re-energize you like crazy! 🙂

    2. Before doing all this, I would still suggest a check-up of sorts to screen out anything related to hormones etc.

    As much as disease maybe physical, the mind sometimes plays a huge role in pumping it up unnecessarily. So 🙂

    Okay that’s too much philosophy. I need a dose of Tom and Jerry now. Take care and shine on! 🙂

  20. bhavanahr said

    Hi…. I have been there..totally empathize with you… makes me feel like you too are in Human Resource dept..lol… My life style was exactly like yours until I changed my job to one which didn’t require long hrs of commute and didn’t give me palpitations on Monday mornings when I opened my mailbox… at the end of the day, remember, its just a job…

  21. meera said

    Hi Pepper,

    I feel the same everyday…I just come from office and feel very tired even to move from my place. so I can understand how you feel. but i think instead of waiting till 11 for your sleep, try to sleep early by 9.00 at least for some days. it will give you more freshness on next day morning.

  22. Bini said

    You are mentally stressed.You know how much I’ve stressed time & again the importance of physical exercise which gives the body a boost energy wise. You say you are eating but are you eating the right food? Also i know sometimes we think of old as like really old..maybe someone in their 50’s. But as we age, our bodies need to be treated differently and I have seen alot of people dont realize this. I do hope you feel better soon – I can understand how your feeling. I know our skype date is still pending:(. —B

  23. Kalyani said

    More than anything, just don’t beat yourself up. This shall too pass 🙂
    A pointer on job, I hated my job too, it’s more like, I hated my manager. The more you let things affect you, the more they are going too. Decouple from all that the moment you are out of office. Another pointer, don’t get laptop home. You’ll start feeling a lot better! tried and tested 😉 Good luck Pepper!

  24. after you are back from office go for a long walk in a park..fresh air can do wonders 🙂

  25. Gee said

    Have you incorporated an exercise regimen in your daily routine? It looks to me like your day is packed just getting to work and back, perhaps a consistent exercise routine could help resolve some of the fatigue. Of course, you must get the check up done too.

  26. Jazz said

    Pepper, if by the end of the day you have pending tasks which you wished to do, I suggest prepare a time table to incorporate them in your day apart from the work and try to stick to it.

  27. Reema said

    get yourself checked for anemia and vitamin D!

  28. vishalbheeroo said

    I went through this phase and I recommend lotsa water, green tea and a showe. Trust me it will keep you in form.Plus, try yoga.

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