There is some construction work going on on the highway. The resultant traffic is a bitch. The only way to beat the deathly traffic is to start early. Nothing horrifying about an early start, but to me, the whole process of leaving earlier seems to be very tedious and demanding. I know it is the only way I can get to work at a decent time. Yet, I find myself disgruntled everyday.
And then after dealing with work in office all day when I get home, I have to ready myself for a new work shift. I usually go to the new house to oversee the work that is going on there. This is when my blood pressure shoots up. I always have something to say to the workers. “What? Did you leave the windows open again after you left? Why would you do that?” or “What? I had asked you to pack the new dining table and chairs we’ve got! Why have you not done it yet? What the f*ck? Look at the fabric of the chairs. It already has so much dust. And look at this stain! Who will pay for this damage?” or “No, you’re not allowed to leave this table outside in the balcony for it to be layered with dust and pigeon poop!” or “What? You want to move the boxes from one room to another again? But the electrician said he wanted it in this room. No? You want it in the other room? Okay fine, carry them carefully. Waiitt! Oh waittt! Not like that! They contain a lot of glass stuff. Be careful. Careful!”
And then, there is this whole matter of decision making that stresses me out. They ask me “How many plug points did you want in this outlet?” I tell them I will check with Mint and get back. They ask me “At what height do you want the TV to be? We need to do the wiring accordingly”. Err, I’ll check with Mint and get back, I say. “How much should the width of the kitchen door be”. Umm, I’ll get back after talking to Mint. That is my standard response. What if I make a decision he doesn’t agree with? Beside I know Mint has a very good insight when it comes to these things. He is able to think of things that I tend to overlook. So I simply can’t make a decision without him. In other words, I am terrified of making the wrong choice.
After all this, I decide to go back to my parents place where I hope to finally catch my breath. But then I realise I have to follow up with the society office. “Have you transfered the share certificate on our name? The bank needs it!. You said it would be ready in a week. It’s been 3 weeks now”. And then, “What? A few more days? Why can’t you keep your word?”. Only to follow it with, “Huh? You’re saying you can’t transfer the share certificate until the previous owner clears his maintenance dues? Why didn’t you say it earlier? Fine. I will follow up with him and check with you again”. I then make a mental note to contact the previous owner of our home and talk to him about the pending bills he has to clear. Oh yes, I also have to ask him for the keys of the bedrooms. He still hasn’t handed them to us.
I get home and I realise I haven’t called our former landlord to tell him we’ve cleared all the utility bills we had to for our rented apartment. So can we please get our remaing deposit back now? And then I see a missed call from the bank. Argh. What do they want now? I hope they don’t ask for any more documents. And them my dad reminds me – I am yet to fill the forms that will enable the transfer of our phone line. Sigh.. okay. Will do that too.
Inevitably by this point, I find myself searching for something or the other. My blue shoes. Did I put them in any of the boxes? Are they packed? Or did I bring them with me to my parents place? Uh, I want them. Where should I even look. It goes on..
This picture depicts my current life. Everyday is more or less the same. By the end of the day, I find myself seething. I am terribly annoyed – either by the traffic on the road, or the carpenters and the painters working in our house, or the society office, or the previous owners of our new home, or by the amount of things I have to manage.
I find myself whining a lot. When I finally talk to Mint, I snap at him for no reason. I blame him for not being there even though I know the timing of his work trip was not something he could choose. I wait to talk to him all day (because I have to make those dreaded decisions and get back to those people, remember?), and when I finally I do, I find myself screaming. I make sure I highlight to him in bold all the work I have been forced to do in his absence. I continue hurling accusations unfairly until I have successfully guilt tripped him and made him apologise to me for things he has no control over. And then I hang up and feel terribly guilty myself.
I’ve been quite trapped in this endless cycle of anger and guilt. Swinging between these two emotions sucks. I know I tend to magnify all my troubles. Today, I asked myself to stop it and get a grip. I need to stop complaining about all the work I have been surrounded with. Especially because I know had it been Mint in my position, he would have accepted all these responsibilities with utmost grace. He would even downplay all the work he has done and tell me it “isn’t much”. I on the other hand, tend to inflate it all.
So, this is it. Closing ceremony of the crib fest. It marks the end of all my whining sprees. Life is really good and I am a fool to let these small bothers cloud my vision. Now on, I will be making a conscious note of all the happiness I experience throughout the day. And if time permits me, I will document it on the blog.