A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint

How it ended

Posted by Pepper on November 2, 2014

Thank you, kind people. All your thoughts and comments on my last post are much appreciated. I owe you guys an update. Since I spoke about how it all began, I should also mention how it all ended. Infact, I am sorry I have taken this long to update this page. It lead some of you to believe that Mint and I were still feeling the strain. That is far from the truth and I felt utterly guilty for not updating this space when I saw some concerned mails.

My post was probably a knee jerk reaction. Maybe because I am absolutely not used to disputes that last more than a few hours. When the last one had not been resolved  by the next morning, it started upsetting me more than it should have. Anyway, it came to an end in a day. I also realised that I had taken this a lot more seriously than Mint had.

I remember being all upset the day I wrote the last post. I wondered how long it would take for us to thaw. When Mint got home after work, I glanced at him and then decided to ignore him. To my surprise, he seemed totally fine. He even chose to engage in some trivial talk. “Hey, the shoes we ordered for you online are here. Did you try them? Did they fit you?”. I was a little confused. So I responded to him only with a silent nod. I mean, I thought we were not talking to each other? Why are we discussing these inane things then?

It went on like that. Mint talking to me as though nothing had happened. Hello? I don’t want to return to normalcy unless we sort that out. Like I said, I need closure. But most importantly, I believe it is critical to discuss our differences if we want to avoid similar showdowns in future. We need to negotiate and reach an agreement that both of us are comfortable with. If we don’t do that, won’t we keep getting trapped in our old issues?

Looks like the guy didn’t think so. He was absolutely comfortable not discussing our past behaviour. Neither was he being cold to me anymore. After realising this wasn’t going anywhere, I decided to take matters in my own hands. I told him I wanted to talk about what had happened the previous day. Like I suspected, he seemed reluctant to go over the crap. Too bad. Not that I find the exercise very enjoyable. But what needs to be done, needs to be done. I’d rather get done with it by talking about it now than be caught in it again. Setting the tone for the future is imperative.

So I broached it after giving it some more time. And we spoke. I told him what angered me. He told me why he was mad. That was easy. Reaching a mutual agreement on what lines are not to be crossed in future called for a slightly longer discussion. But after some calm negotiation and bargaining, we were done. Back to being best pals.

It has been many days since we resolved it now. Realisation strikes me yet again. Mint has spoiled me too much with his forever affectionate gestures.  He has conditioned me to expect a million hugs and cuddles in a day. It is what made me feel so unprepared to face a tiff that lasted an entire day. So after a day when I went back to being his ‘guds’, the world seemed right once again. That is what he usually calls me. It is the shortened version of ‘gudiya’, something that my dad lovingly refers to me as. He picked it up from my father and eventually went on to modify it to ‘guds’. Perhaps that sounds corny and it may garner a lot of eye rolls, but needless to say, I love it.

I’ve known couples who barely fight. BFF#2 for example. She always tells me how she and her husband hardly find any grounds to disagree, let alone fight. I wondered how they did it. Mint and I are such vastly different people, we disagree and argue with each other often. But I love our instant ability to turn around and go back to being madly in love with each other. I’ve secretly come to enjoy the disagreements. They challenge my perspective, teach me how to defend my view point and as a result make me question, learn and grow.

And then there is that matter of underlying security. It indeed is the most comforting blanket. Perhaps, it is that security that permits you to cross boundaries at times. It is what makes you fearless of the consequences. Because you know, no matter what, you will be loved and cared for at the end of the day. It is also what assures you that the freedom and power you have bestowed on someone will never be abused beyond a point. It is what you lie wrapped in when you sleep at night.

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16 Responses to “How it ended”

  1. Communication is key to healthy and beautiful relationship. Both of you be blessed, always:)
    Happy week end, Pepper:)

  2. Chiquita said

    The super man is back. Yea! Ok then I’ll go back to believing super heroes do exist 🙂

  3. I wonder why half my comments don’t go through :/

    Anyway, all’s well that end’s well 🙂 Lots of love and God bless..

  4. srividhya said

    🙂 🙂 glad you were able to sort it out..

  5. Kavs said

    Yay 🙂

  6. Shweta said

    Such a love struck post! ❤

  7. Deepa said

    Yippy, doodle doo. (*just did my version of the happy lungi dance right now*). Alls well in the “pepper n mint” world and we can go to sleep happy:-)

  8. Preethi said

    Of course Pepper, I knew that the fight wouldn’t last so long. As mentioned, men don’t pay much attention to such ‘trivial’ fights. I keep telling my husband that I can’t flip myself in just few min, I need time to brood and get over it. On the other hand, he can be normal in less than 10 min.
    Anyway, glad to know that all is well at Pepper n Mint household. 🙂

  9. Nitya said

    yay, i love starting my week with posts like this one. And very well written peps.

  10. Pepper, I just read both posts and am just commenting on this one. Glad you guys made up. Like you, I need closure and prefer to have a long drawn out discussion post fight and a clear conclusion. Fortunately for me, the husbadoo is like that too and offlate he is the one to start the whole patching up process and asking me to get off my high horse and talk to him. I seriously don’t know couples who don’t fight at all, pleasantly surprised that they exist. Your last bit echoed with me -maybe it is the security of a strong relationship that allows us to push the boundaries and know that nothing really changes, however ugly the fight is.

    • Pepper said

      Okay, so I am guessing you will understand my emotions the most. You say the husbadoo is the one to start the patching up process and asking you to get off the high horse and talk it out, right. Assuming you have been made used to this behaviour forever and then suddenly one fine day you find him not making any efforts to make amends and actually sitting on the high horse. You’d be left confused and tired, right?

      That’s exactly how it was for me. While most people in the comments said it is a guy thing, I just wanted to say “but Mint is not like that”. He always comes forward to make peace. I was obviously taken aback when he didn’t, that too for no real reason. He even turned me down when I tried. Anyway, I guess he needed some leeway and it was probably a day he was angry and grumpy. I should allow him to being difficult every now and then..

      • Totally get it..as you say it probably was just that he was having a bad day or something . On a side note, not completely related is the fact that in our marriage we both have changed so much since we first met and fell in love. And obviously the way we fight has changed a lot too. The things we say, we hit below the belt fairly often during our fights and cross the so-called boundaries we previously had. The make up always does happen and we are extra clingy and loving to each other a few hours or a day later but yes, the way we fight has changed.Maybe it is just the natural growing up process , but it often makes me see the man I married in a different light for a short time and I sadly don’t like what I see, during the fight.The same goes for me too , of course. I say unimaginable things in a fight..things I would never have dreamt I would say to this guy that I battled the world to marry.I regret things the moment I say them, but its often too late. I do want to start having “cleaner”, simpler fights if you know what I mean. Oh well, the make up happens all the time and finally that is all that matters. Sorry for the loooong comment

        • Pepper said

          Totally know what you mean, sistah! It really is the ‘growing up’ process. Sometimes I realise with a start just how young we were when we started seeing each other. Those were different times. And we’re living in different times now. People, reactions, thoughts and behaviors change over time. I think I am slowly becoming more gracious about the changes and I have to admit our fights are more clean now. We don’t say hurtful things anymore. Just that we need to learn to be more calm and less annoyed..

  11. Deepika said

    Awwww… awww… Great that it sorted out 🙂 Hugs… 🙂

  12. Deepa said

    Are u doing ok darling? no posts for a longish while now so am a tad teeny bit worried, you know how I am:-0 Anyhoo, hope you’re back here soon regaling us with your lovely(or not! we love them anyways) tales.

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