A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint


Posted by Pepper on January 29, 2015

Life seems to be playing some kind of a game with me. A game in which the forces unite to screw me. Over and over. In fact, if I didn’t have a rational mind, I would even call this black magic. Because really, how do you explain the recurrent occurrence of such events in my life without bringing in the involvement of a dark sinister power?

I was buckling under the pressure of work. I already mentioned I couldn’t have dad by my side because he was forcefully involved in too many other things. I didn’t know how to cope. There were critical issues and there were looming deadlines. I could feel stress running through my veins. Finally, dad was able to free himself from all the crap he was entangled in and get back to work.

Some days ago, we were driving to work when he complained of severe pain in the left side of his stomach. We decided to check with a doctor as soon as we could. Before we knew it, the pain was unbearable and was reaching the left side of his back. He couldn’t sit through it and was grimacing constantly. That made me panic and I drove him to emergency.

They checked the BP and it was really high. From the symptoms, the doctors said it was kidney stone. Since he was in unbearable pain, they admitted him to the hospital and administered an intravenous drip. He was okay for a while but the pain reoccurred in full force in just a few hours. A lot of tests and investigations followed.

It’s been 3 days since I am pacing in the hospital. The work pressure is so high, but unfortunately, I can’t not face it. Unless I want it all to result in humongous losses for the company. So I work from the hospital. My papa continues to be in severe pain and discomfort. They will observe him for another day and then decide whether or not they need to intervene surgically. Also, his reports indicate reduced kidney function and I am beyond terrified. The doctors say maybe it is only because of the stone. Hopefully, kidney parameters will start falling in range once the stone is removed. I really hope so, because after Daddy and Oregano, I don’t know if I can deal with another kidney ailment. The worry is driving me mad.

I shuffle between office and hospital as much as I can. But it all seems like some nightmare to me. Do I focus on work? Do I focus on the big decision I was supposed to make about our company? Do I focus on dad? Right now, I am most worried about him. What the fuck is going on in my life? I am so close to having a nervous breakdown. I am not designed to cope with such pressures hitting me from all sides.

To add to it, Mint isn’t in town for a whole week. I don’t know how I will survive. I have important meetings lined up at work. I have deadlines that I can’t miss. I have other issues to cater to. And dad may need a surgery. I want to sob. Please God, make this end soon.

62 Responses to “????”

  1. Sia said

    Pepper – Please stay strong.. I just don’t know what else to say.. Take care..Remember everything will be fine soon..

  2. Hugs! Be strong!. Sending you love and prayers!

  3. Deboshree said

    Oh God, Pepper. This really is a bad time for you. 😦
    Please keep your strength and remember that this too shall pass. Everything will be better soon.

  4. renxkyoko said

    I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I hope it’s nothing but kidney stone. I know it;s stressful , but I think you should also take care of your job…. you’re not in control of your Dad’s situation , the doctors are, so let them do what’s best for him.

    Take care of yourself , too.

  5. Vani said

    All the good wishes for you and your dad.. Hope he gets better soon!

  6. Deepika said

    Take care Pepper… This too shall pass! May uncle heal really soon

  7. Bikramjit said

    Right.. You need to be brave, shirk yourself of all this negative feeling, Stand up tall.. and get it all done.

    I know you are going to hate me for this but THAT is what needs to be done, and once you start you will see God helping you tooo and listening to you tooooo…

    FOCUS :-well you need to Focus on Everything .. very difficult and easier for me to say BUT got to be done .. and I am sure you will get through all this ..

    I am a nobody but anything you need or any help you need let me know and I will try to help.. Although its only you who will have to do it all.. LIFE is such Pepper..

    God bless you .. Hugs

  8. OMG! BIG BIG HUGS Pepper! Hang in there! Too many things happening…I hope and pray that it will all settle down in a happy way soon…

  9. GM said

    In my thoughts. Hope everything straightens out, soon.

  10. aprawriter said

    Praying hard for your Dad’s recovery and strength for you Pepper! I know that advice at times like this is useless but something that helps me cope is to try dealing with it one thing at a time, breathing and trying again!
    All the best and stay strong!

  11. D said

    wtf!! prayers for uncle and hugs to you Pepper. I am sure everything will be fine soon. When do they plan to decide on the surgery? the faster it gets out of the way the easier it is for everyone…

  12. gowri said

    Dear pepper I have been a silent reader of your blog for quite a while….I just wanted to let you know that you and your family will be in my prayers…do take care

  13. Arpita said

    Keep the faith. A bad period, but will pass. Take good care of yourself.


    p.s- Am a silent reader

  14. Shweta said

    Ohh… Hugs Pepper!! A tight hug!!! I’ll pray on your behalf too! Specially cuz i know what dads mean to daughters! Youre in my prayers!

  15. Pepper I hope you get all the strength to deal with this onslaught of situations. You WILL do it and do it good. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  16. yaadayaada said

    Good luck. Sending good vibes.

  17. anisnest said

    hugs Pepper if that can help.. Stay strong..

  18. You have just way too much on your plate.. big hug.. love and light to the family.

  19. Bhavani said

    Oh No Pepper!! Hope the stone passes and your dad is relieved of the pain soon..I have heard the pain is unbearable…maybe all the stress from the past few days would have taken a toll on him…hope he gets to rest and relax a bit..

    I know it is easy to say…but you take care of yourself…it is so true when they say “When it rains it pours” and it always has to be these things when it all happens at once..

    Sending prayers and good thoughts your way…


  20. Warm hugs, pepper:( Nothing else to say. Hope the stone works its way out asap and he’s relieved on pain and no surgery or other issues.
    Praying for you.

  21. OMG Pepper !! Hugs.. I hope these troubled times pass soon…. Wishing your Papa a speedy recovery…. Hugs… Take care

  22. Am at a loss of words to say anything. All I can say is, stay strong and take care. All of this shall pass soon.

  23. Kavs said

    Oh no Pepper! This sounds terrible… I wish I had something more than words to offer you help…:( all I can say is stay strong, this too will pass. My best wishes to your dad – please take care of yourself too…

  24. Stay Strong said

    Hey Pepper, take a 10 minute complete timeout please. During these 10 minutes all you will do is breathe deeply, take in the positivity and promise of every breath of oxygen and hear yourself as you slowly breathe out. While doing this, do not think about anything going on currently in your life. Just focus on your deep breathing.
    Praying for you, your Dad and your current situation. Do not worry, everything will turn out just fine.

    • Pepper said

      I don’t know who you are, but I want to really thank you for this comment. I hadn’t approved the comments then, but I read yours at the right time. I did spend 10 minutes deep breathing and I can’t tell you how much it helped. It is rather stupid that we forget things as obvious and basic as these, but thank you so much for the reminder 🙂

  25. Deepa said

    Hugs your way and many, many prayers for your Dad’s speedy recovery pepper. Hang in there, he will come out of it and take even better care of himself here on. You will somehow, gracefully or not, get thru this period ok on the other side.

    Yes, sometimes it does feel like there is a dark sinister power at work in our lives but don’t let the dark thoughts overcome you. At work focus on one issue at a time, get it done with and try to go on to next.

    My mum has been diagnosed with very invasive bladder cancer last week and our lives have been thrown into a turmoil ever since. She is in terrible pain. I thought my own cancer is all the shit the Almighty would think I could bear. But nope! ‘He’ thinks I have it in me to take on another one. We’re trying to find the best possible solution for her right now that avoids having to take her bladder out as suggested by docs in Mumbai. Life hands you so much crap sometimes that I want to vanish and come back in another lifetime. A better one hopefully.

    love again and a tight hug. If M and I can help in anyways from here regarding meds needed for your Dad or in other ways drop me a line immediately.

    • Pepper said

      I am so so sorry to hear about this, Deepa. Your troubles give me perspective. I feel stupid for crying about the things I do. Please tell me if I can help in anyway. If your mom is still in Mumbai, please allow me to visit her? I might be able to help in some ways. Let me just mail you..

  26. aarya said

    Hugs Pepper. I know nothing I say is going to make you feel better but your Dad will be in my prayers. I wish all this trauma ends soon and Uncle recovers well and be by your side with all the major decisions.

  27. Boiling said

    Hugs Pepper. This seems to be so stressful. I would focus on dad and work. Selling a company is not an easy thing and can’t be done overnight. Ask for all the help you can get and do remember to take care of yourself too. You don’t have to do it all alone.

  28. Trish said

    Oh Pepper..stay positive..I hope you get some answers soon..sending positive healing vibes.

  29. Hi Pepper

    I am sorry to hear about your father. I will pray for your father’s good health. Please do not panic. This is the time you need to be a bit strong for your dad,mother and sister. I know there are thousands of questions running in your mind and you are probably thinking all this is a bad dream. Try to take a minute or two out to compose and calm yourself. He is watching above. Sab theek hoga dear.

  30. Anu said

    Be strong Pepper! I’ll keep you in my prayers… I’m sure things will fall into place soon. Take care!

  31. S said

    Take care 😦 I wish your dad a speedy recovery

  32. Arch said

    Hugs!! I pray that things fall in place soon for you. You have been going through taxing times. But you are stronger than you think you are! Hugs!!

  33. Dont worry Pepper, everything will be alright. Have faith in the Almighty and may He/She give you the strength to face this difficult time!

  34. Omg.. Please take care. Strength and hugs! I can feel your pain and anguish!

  35. Mrs B said

    Dear Pepper, My thoughts are with you and your family. There is a popular saying that “Everything comes in threes”. But this too shall pass…. I am sure once your dad passes the stone, his kidneys will return to their earlier condition and function. The stone maybe causes extra strain on kidneys and that must be the reason behind his elevated levels. Just hang in there. You will get through this!
    Meanwhile, take care of yourself too… Lots of wishes and love.

  36. Aruna said

    Dear Pepper,
    Am so sorry for your loss. My prayers for speedy recovery of your dad. I read about the dilemma you face regarding your company. First off, hats off to you for taking up such big responsibility and raising up to the challenge.
    I just wanted to throw in my two bits here. I am working with a bank and for the past three years, i have been closely working with small and medium enterprises… Catering to their banking needs. So, when you write about your company, i can understand what it takes to keep it going.
    While you are now pressed for time to take a decision, please try to stall selling of your company (if that is what you decide to do) for a bit. Because, you, as you have pointed out rightly, have this amazing platform from which you can take off in a big way. What seems to be daunting now, will be just a small obstacle with a bit of time. You are still in the steep learning curve. Try and see if you can have professionals to help you run the show. They will be investments and not expenses.
    All the best!

    • Pepper said

      Thank you, Aruna. Very few people realise what it takes to run an SME. I do have a rough outline chalked out. Will probably blog about it some day if time permits..

  37. Squishy said

    Sending prayers and strength your way.

  38. hugs,, pepper,,, you are really very brave …………

  39. Kutty's mom said

    Hang in there – you’re being a wonderful daughter and a good employee. It will all work out in the end. Sending best wishes your way and wishing your dad gets better soon.

  40. D said

    hey..all well? awaiting updates from your end…I hope uncle is doing better now…

  41. S said

    Hugs Pepper!! You are doing your best and I pray your dad recovers soon. Try not to burn yourself out. At this age, you are handling pressures very few women have and you are doing it with a strong will, the outcome will be good. Hang in there!

  42. MR said

    prayers that this bad stuff will end soon.

  43. PVS said

    Hugs Pepper…hope all fine now.

  44. Hugs my dear! Just hang in there it’s a tough phase though.

  45. The Bride said

    I’m commenting late, but I hope hope hope your dad is better now. Please take care of yourself.

  46. Geetha said

    Stay strong my friend. This too shall pass. I know it is easy for anyone to say this. Only the person in the line of fire will truly understand the situation they are in. You are a strength to your family, stay strong for them. Take care.

  47. gowri said

    Hi pepper hope everything is falling on track for you…take care…god bless

  48. Jazz said

    omg I can’t imagine your state of mind Pepper, please try and stay strong, have faith..

  49. D said

    hey…that you have approved the comments is a sign that things are better now..hopefully! do update..I hope things are in control now..

    • Pepper said

      Thank you so much for keeping track, D. I feel like I’ve been through hell. Things are getting better, albeit slowly. I still have a long way to go. Will try and do an update post..

      • D said

        Hi Pepper, good to know that things are slightly better now and are improving. I can not even imagine how you feel right now! seriously. Wish you all the luck and may God give you lot of strength to go through this….hugs and wishes for a speedy recovery for uncle!

  50. Way too late. I hope everything is ok. I know you have the strength! Hugs

  51. sonia said

    Hi pepper…been a lurker on your blog for long…just want you to know that prayers do work…n being positive helps…I can say this coz we pulled my mom back from a situation similar to your daddy’s n I myself have survived hemoglobin of 1.9…I was then diagnosed with cancer n undergoing chemo now…I feel a reluctance sharing this with people in my life..but just wanted to pass on my strength to you n your family…hope your father is better now

    • Pepper said

      I have no idea how you survived all that you have. Thank you, for sharing your strength with me. My troubles always seem very small when I compare them to others. I’m almost sorry for whining about these things when people around me seem to be suffering in infinitely worse ways.

      I agree. Prayers work. I have learnt to count on them. I will truly pray for you and your mom too.

  52. sonia said

    Oh one more thing…are you still monitoring your heart beat? If it’s still too fast pls get a check up done or at least talk to a doctor…

  53. Deepa said

    How are you doing sweetie? Hope Dad is well now and gaining in strength. Hope it is the work dilemma that is keeping you occupied and not his health anymore. Prayers and a warm, warm hug your way. We’re gearing this week to receive my mum here who will undergo surgery week after next. Will write long mail to you as soon as that is done and we’re thru on the other side.

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