A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint

Does your partner read your blog?

Posted by Pepper on January 15, 2016

That is the question I was asked recently in an email sent by somebody. Quite an interesting question, I thought. For various reasons, she was especially interested in knowing if Mint reads my blog. Because a) I write quite extensively about the imperfections in my relationship with my in-laws. I have on several occasions spoken about how angry I feel with some of their ideas. And b) I have at times even written about an odd fight or argument I have had with Mint.

So. Is he aware of what I write about his parents and family? The answer is a resounding yes. To start with, let me say Mint does not read my blog regularly. He used to at one time. I don’t know if he lost interest eventually (hah, I should ask him) or if he no longer finds the time to read it regularly. He now reads my blog every fortnight. And he may not always catch up on every post he missed. Having said that, if I write something that I think I want his opinion on, I make it a point to make him read it. And yes, so far, he has read every single post I have written about his parents.

She gave me as an example this post, one I had written 4 years ago. Does it bother Mint when I so openly talk about his mother’s attitude? Well, it doesn’t. You probably need to know Mint a little more to understand how rational and unbiased he is. For one, it doesn’t bother him because he feels exactly the same way about his parents. He is more critical of their flaws than I am. And two, he has always made it clear that this is MY blog and I am free to share my views here.

The same holds true when I write about any argument or fight I have had with Mint. I know he reads those posts and I know they only offer my side of the story, but isn’t that a given, considering this blog is only mine. On the whole, I have to give it to Mint though. He doesn’t question me even after I have written an angry post that doesn’t show him in great light. Even if he feels I was unfair in my depiction of the event, he gives me the freedom to choose what I want to say on my blog. I guess he knows I just want to vent and I will be back to normal soon, but I would probably not extend the same courtesy to him.

And then there is the mushy stuff. I have written so many love filled posts, full of mush. For some strange reason, I am absolutely uncomfortable with letting him read my posts while I am writing them! It makes me utterly conscious. He is welcome to read the post after it is published, but not while I am typing it. I don’t even let him peak into my laptop when I am writing. I know, it doesn’t make sense at all.

I know so many people who don’t feel comfortable with their partners reading their blog. No, not because they lead secret lives or want to hide something. No! It is only because they want the space to be exclusively theirs and they get conscious if they know they are being read by somebody they are so closely connected with. I completely get that. I am fairly conscious of my writing too and long ago we made a rule that Mint would not discuss my blog posts with me unless I asked for it. But again, I really do understand people who are overly conscious if they know they are being read by the one person who they feature so much on their blog. So I am never surprised when I hear people tell me they prefer not to share their blog links with their partners.

What about you? If you do have a partner, are you comfortable with him/her reading your blog? Would you be okay with your future partner reading your blog?


35 Responses to “Does your partner read your blog?”

  1. simple girl said

    My partner reads every post.. He follows the blog and whenever I post something he gets a notification and he reads it..

    • Pepper said

      That’s nice. Mint once told me he didn’t want to receive notifications of my posts on email because it would mean too much spam 😐 I know he was saying it to annoy me, and let me just say he was successful.

  2. My Era said

    I have read your blog for many years (religiously since 2009 & perhaps even read the posts written before that) and this is one thing I have known forever that you let Mint read your blog posts.
    Few years down the line, when I was still married, my (ex) spouse was well aware of my blog and in fact he often needed a push to read what I wrote. But, things slowly got ugly over time (though I didn’t write a personal blog then) even with what I shared with him as having read in other blogs I read regularly.

    I had once shared the details about it here: https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2015/05/08/blogging-and-reading-provocative-blogs-by-others-has-made-the-good-girl-in-you-go-corrupt-2/

    So yeah, it is the level of understanding between spouses that entirely decides a decision so crucial as this.

    • Pepper said

      Wow, ME! You really been reading since 2009? I was under the impression that I did not have even one single reader until 2010. I blogged in isolation, never commenting on a single blog and letting my blog remain undiscovered. Knowing I had a reader back then is a pleasant surprise.

      I just read that post you linked to and was quite taken aback by some of the things mentioned. I totally agree with your last line!

  3. S reads my blog quite regularly *but not before cribbing about the length of the posts at least ten times* My sister reads my blog too! With these two I am quite comfortable sharing my blog with. Parents on the other hand were shown specific posts written about them and I was not too comfortable with them reading my posts regularly, basically ‘cos they tend to worry over some things. Like if I had felt down on some day and if that reflected on the blog, they read over it again and again, worrying about me. So, it felt better to keep them away from this blog at least. But dad being dad has somehow found out the url *without even understanding what it is* and both of them are seen reading all the blog archives any time of the day, which is sending me into a mode of panic. A digression – Amma doesnt know that she can get the url and access the blog on her phone. She borrows dad’s phone when he is not using to catch up on my posts 😀

    By the way, I feel very uncomfortable when S tries to get a peek in while I am writing. As you said, it doesnt make much sense as I know he is going to read it anyway which I am completely ok with.

    • Pepper said

      GB, I have exactly the same situation. Other than Mint, my sister reads my blog regularly too. But I am not so comfortable with my parents reading my blog. They tend to take everything too seriously and worry too much. They know my url but I have instructed them to not read it. They usually listen to me, and I make them read a particular post if I think it will interest them..

      That discomfort is strange no?

  4. The husband knows the link but I don’t feel too comfortable sharing the nitty gritty of the posts with him …. He reads when he wants to but we don’t discuss it 🙂 … It’s a place that’s exclusively mine and I come here for my me-time !!

  5. jan said

    Hi Pepper, Great post! I have a partner and I share some similarities with your post. I mail him drafts for feedback if I feel I need it or if the post involves something about him. He gives me an unbiased feedback and he has no issues with me sharing things as long as I am fine with it. He does not question about my blog or any other social media posts because he feels that’s my space (of course, that includes the condition of not to tag him in any of them) . I am super conscious when typing as well.

  6. My entire family is aware of the blog and some read it judiciously. The Dude catches up once in a while but he does read it all. I think I am fairly uncontroversial 🙂 and my blog is considerably light, with a few strongly opinionated posts which I don’t bother about. But I guess my posts are far less personal than yours overall! 🙂

  7. The Bride said

    When I first started a blog, the purpose of which was to rant about my wedding preps, V got very upset with me for my sarcastic comments about his family. He didn’t mind the comments so much as my publicly airing them. That blog went underground, and to be fair to him, I am more circumspect in my current blog (though people still keep tellling me they’re surprised how honest I am).

    V doesn’t read my blog regularly, but he knows the URL and I often leave it open on my computer. I’m fine with him reading it if he doesn’t read it aloud to me or while I’m writing it. However, I actually prefer if he didn’t read it, as the idea of people I know well reading it makes me self conscious.

  8. S said

    I was thinking about this exact thing the other day!

    I actually would want my partner to read my blog. There are many things that I can’t express in person, my state of mind or what I am thinking about, once I have written it down in a more sane and articulate way, I’d like him to read it.

    Apart from Mint and Oregano, do you talk about or mention your blog to others, like your friends? I have a tough time being anonymous, but you have done it for so many years, I am really surprised and I admire you for that.

    • Pepper said

      My sister reads my blog very regularly. Far more regularly than Mint and Oregano. I am comfortable with the 3 of them reading, but other than them, a handful of my friends read it. I didn’t choose to have it this way, it just happened. I used to have a non anonymous blog in college and when I went anonymous, somehow those friends landed on the anon blog because blogspot directed them to my new url even when they clicked the old one. Haha.. I am now used to the 3 friends reading it too. Been like that for years.

      I never mention my blog to people I know in my life. I try my best to guard it, but having said that, I still don’t think I have done a great job being anonymous. I am friends with a handful of bloggers and that kind of takes away your anonymity. Plus, I have been stupid enough to accidentally reveal my real name on this blog once too. I deleted it immediately but I suppose some people saw it? Lol.

  9. No partner(imaginary or otherwise or ex) reads my blog. Although I wish they did, the xBF or Mr. Crush(he says he has forgotten the name, although he had found it on google. :-/). The xBF will most likely not remember although Ani n Moo want him to read my space.

  10. You both are lucky to have each other ! You both really gel well !
    In my case J seldom, reads my blogs – When I write something I want him to read I open the blog page and give the laptop to him and say – read ! But every often he keeps saying – Keep Blogging, you are recording memories and it will be a pleasure to read later in life 🙂

  11. I don’t have a partner and so difficult to see. yes! My life is an open book and the blog is an extension of myself. On the flip side, there is a question of space but certain things I shall keep in a diary. It’s in the case I have a partner. I’d love to read Mint as a guess blogger on your space.

  12. Yes have a partner. Yes he reads most posts (not all). Yes he supports my blog. And very important – before I post anything about him or us directly, always check. Sometimes he’ll suggest some very relevant additional perspectives which I value.

    • Pepper said

      I agree, I value the additional perspectives too. But then, I don’t always have the chance to run the post by Mint before publishing it.
      Have you written any controversial posts regarding his family?

      • Controversial? So far, nothing the family has objected to… simply hasn’t been a topic that would cause grief that I’ve come across to share either.

        But we’ve also come together after both having been married, in our 40s/50s so lived lives, with a lot simply accepted at this stage that could cause angst with a different set of expectations earlier in life. For example, no one expects me to start popping out kids as I’m peaking around the corner at menopause!

  13. anjeneyan said

    I ask my wife to read the final draft of the Blog before it is published. I take heed of her criticism and some times do not publish if she does not like it.

  14. Srishty said

    I am also uncomfortable about people reading my blog when I am typing, especially people super close to me 🙂 so we are all weird like that 😀

  15. Boiling said

    My husband (then bf) was the one who told me to start a blog as I used to go on feminist rants. So, he is subscribed. He reads the posts but I am super conscious and chase him away when I am writing my post. Also, I do not like it when he reads my posts when I am around. Sometimes, he starts reading it aloud in a funny voice and I make him stop and tell him to read when I am not around ha ha. He does discus some posts and does have something to say if I have misrepresented something unfairly or missed out some points.

    Initially, I did show my blog to my family and some friends. Anonymity helps you write even more honestly.

    On the other hand, I do write what I think where I can write without filters and fear of being politically correction. So, I can maintain other records apart from the blog.

  16. Arch said

    My partner will not read my posts even if I hold it in his face. The only way probably to make him know what I’ve written is to read it out loud to him. He hates reading (in any form) and is plain lazy. He doesn’t even pickup and read my diary which keeps lying around in the room many times. :-/

  17. My parents know that I blog but I haven’t shared the URL with them yet. Neither do I plan to do that in the future. A couple of college friends knew the blog and used to read it even but I got too conscious of the matter I post,so I changed my url.
    The bestie knows the blog and reads it after every couple of months or whenever he remembers that he hasn’t read my posts since long. And I don’t really mind that since he knows what I feel about what.
    But I wish I had done a better job at being anonymous. 😦

  18. […] days back, Pepper wrote this post asking whether your partner reads your blog. I shared my thoughts on her blog and this is an extended version of the […]

  19. Deeps said

    Oh yes, my husband reads my blog too, not regularly though. But yes, he is aware that I blog. In fact he was the one who pushed me to start blogging.

    And most of my immediate family members know too that I blog, which I must admit gets a bit restrictive for me. I find myself holding some thoughts back for fear of hurting them.

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