A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint

A recap

Posted by Pepper on January 12, 2017

I remember entering 2016 with a high. I was full of hopes and dreams. There was so much to look forward to. My work life would no longer require me to gallop at a frenzied pace. I finally had the reigns in my hands and I believed I could trotter at an even and enjoyable pace. We were hoping to adopt a child. And most importantly, we had gained clarity and taken a stand when it came to this hugely complicated decision.

Should we move back to the US or not? The question had been presented to us in October 2015 and by January 2016 we had made our choice. We wanted to stay put in India. Choosing wasn’t an easy process and we were so glad to have that dilemma out of the way. If only I knew what was in store..

Early in 2016, shortly after we had made our choice to not move to the US, Mint’s company announced to us that they were dissolving his team in Mumbai. He had no choice but to move to the US, unless he was willing to give up this job. This announcement completely jolted us.

Mint tried hard to find another job that would let us stay in India. Sadly, there was nothing that met our requirements. I waded through all of 2016 not knowing where we were headed. It was quite a hellish experience for a person who hates loss of control. The year was full of perennial anxiety and the mere thought of it exhausts me.

I was always accompanied by bad health. It seemed to follow me. First it was the diagnosis of tachycardia. Just when I thought I could live with the high heart rate, I was attacked by other vicious ailments. Something that seemed as innocuous as an eye infection turned out to be a nasty disease. For the first time in my life, I was terrified of my failing health and the potential toxic treatments.

I was hospitalised not once but twice. Since I grew distant from the blog, I didn’t really talk about it here. But if you happened to message me on WhatsApp around that time, I’m sure I shared images of me lying in a hospital bed with numerous tubes running through me.

You see, these things were new to me. At one time, I couldn’t image being knocked out by general anesthesia. The idea used to make me extremely nervous. Again, it probably comes with the fear of being out of control. Heck, let’s forget GA, I couldn’t even imagine a simple IV line being inserted in my hand. It all sounded so painful.

And then I went through all of it, the anesthesia, losing consciousness, the IV line, oxygen tube being shoved down my throat, the tubes that reached my nose. Okay, I know I make it sound like I was dying but they were all part of very simple procedures and all that I described above are standard precautionary measures they adhere to when they put you out.

But who was to snatch away this attention seeking opportunity from me? I loved reactions like, ‘Oh My God! What happened? That looks bad’. So I not only made Mint take pictures of me in that condition, I even shared them with a handful of people. And then I was honest enough to tell them that it all appeared far worse than what it was. Of course, seeking attention for such things seems so immature and silly in hindsight, but when did I deny being all of that?

Simple procedures or not, the point is I had to go throw that crap. Twice. Did I already mention 2016 was not a favourable year? It was also the year in which I struggled to accept that I was no longer thin. Being thin has almost been a part of my identity since the time I can remember. People have often referred to me as the ‘thin girl’. And then came the steroids and the medication.

In a span of a few months, I had gained more weight than I imagined I ever would. I’m still getting used to my new body and I try to not react when people comment on the change.Since I was very thin to begin with, the sudden weight gain still hasn’t made me fat. I’m not sure how much more weight gain is in store for me. As long as I am healthy, I won’t complain.

After torturing ourselves with our indecisiveness all year, we finally chose to take up the offer to move to the US. Since Mint had not found a comparable job, we realised it would be too risky to stay without his income when we had such a big mortgage. Like I have mentioned before, my income doesn’t come close to his and would in no way be enough to tide us through. We started preparing for our move just 3 weeks before we were set out to fly. We finally moved in December 2016.

The eyes got better. I have been weaning off the steroids and have still remained flare free for the past 3 months. Touch wood. Those of you who have been checking on me, thank you so much.

That was 2016 in a nutshell. There were happy moments too. Plenty of them in fact. But the lingering sounds of chaos continued to echo in the background. What do I expect from 2017? I’m not sure. I don’t necessarily believe it will be a fabulous year that will bowl us over. It may be a very happy year, or it may be a year full of challenges. I am walking in to 2017 with no expectations. A blank slate it is. Let’s see what lies in store!

 

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28 Responses to “A recap”

  1. renxkyoko said

    Take care of yourself and be well. I pray for your complete recovery.

  2. Aruna said

    That was a lot that you went through in 2016. Hopefully, 2017 will bring you lots of peace.

    My 2016 was a mixed bag, not too good, but more importantly, not too bad either. I cherish it especially because it came after a 2015 that was disastrous in every imaginable way. I learned some lessons the hard way in 2016, but those had to be learnt.

    How did you walk into 2017 with no expectations? I want to do the same, but somewhere in the corner of my mind, I’m unable to let go of the desire for some peace of mind. I feel I’ve endured a lot in the last couple of years and am finally yearning for some stability.

    • Pepper said

      I think a mixed bag of a year is as good as it gets. We rarely have perfect lives and there is always something imperfect that comes up.

      2015 wasn’t a brilliant year for me either. I was reading a post I wrote in January 2016 and I called 2015 the crappiest year of my life. I want to laugh now. Because it really doesn’t seem that bad in hindsight. 2016 was far more daunting.

      How I walked into 2017 with no expectations? Probably because we have set ourselves up for some big challenges. I know things could go either way. I had so many expectations from 2016 and I ended up feeling sorely disappointed as the year progressed. This time, I know things won’t be super easy. I still hope for peace of mind, of course. But I am mentally preparing myself to face everything that could possibly come my way. Infact, we are anticipating some hardships.

      I think I will have more expectations from 2018. Anyway, wish you a very happy 2017! More than anything else, I hope you have a peaceful year.

  3. Big hugs, Pepper! I didn’t really know about your hospitalization and all that, reading it here sounds scary. Great to know that you are feeling much better now and are off steroids. I have no big expectations for 2017 too and for the first time, a little scared about what’s in store for us this year.

  4. Chalo.. let’s do a high five 🙋. And i thought mine was bad! Silly me!
    Don’t worry.. everything will get better this year. Take Care.

    • Pepper said

      Well, bad is only relative. Despite it all, I still think mine wasn’t that bad. It could have been far worse. My eyes improved and I know I have been very fortunate. I will never for a moment forget that. My health stabilized in other aspects too. So I am not too worried. I know things will get better. Thank you! Hope this year is better for you than the previous one too!

      • Good to hear that. I’m worried about mine but considering the fact that things were on the path for a better road, I’m thinking it is not all too bad.
        I wanted to ask you, if it isn’t too personal, could you please share the your version of how you decided to adopt. I mean was it something you both always wanted to do or was it just you and you conviced your partner and how?
        Please excuse me if it is all too personal. It is just that i always wanted to adopt and never really got a chance to discuss about it with my partner and now was afraid about his reaction. Hence, got curious when you mentioned about it. Thanks hey. Have a great year. ☺

        • Pepper said

          That’s not a personal question. I believe I’ve already spoken about it in earlier posts, but I am too lazy to find and link them here. So I will answer you briefly instead 🙂

          I’ve always wanted to adopt a baby girl since the time I can remember. I used to even talk about it in school. At that time, a lot of my other friends too seemed fascinated by the idea and wanted to pursue it. But for whatever reasons, none of them ended up walking the path. They had biological kids instead. As for me, the thought of adopting a child never left me.

          When I was dating Mint, I happened to mention it to him and he took to the idea instantly and almost seemed more enthusiastic about it than me. After we got married, there was a phase when Mint didn’t want kids at all. He thought they were too much responsibility. But he would soften and be open to the idea of having a child when we discussed adoption. Over time I think we both realised it was our preferred path to build a family. I have reasons on why we prefer adoption for us instead of having biological kids, but I won’t get into that now.

          Sadly with our move, I am no longer sure we will be able to pursue this dream of ours. Let’s see.

  5. Wish you and Mint a very Happy and Healthy New Year, Pepper! I hope this year brings positive solutions to the challenges and when you do 2017 retrospective, it will be a happy one.

  6. I think you should also reCap on good things that happened in 2016. Glad to know your eye got better and you are heading into healthy path. Aah, don’t worry about putting on weight, it is just a phase and you will slowly but surely get back to your natural self. You have good genes, look at your mother. Having no expectations definitely sets you free, you would feel happier for every accomplishment even if they are tiniest possible. Hope this year fills you with happiness and good times. Despite all of that, welcome back to United States, with your re-location, it probably does not daunt as much to head back home some time in the future when opportunity presents itself. Happy new year Pepper!

    • Pepper said

      Yes! The recap of good things in 2016 is going to be a different post. This one got too long, so I stopped. But I will surely do that as well.

      I’m not too worried about putting on weight. I’m not sure my genes will continue to favour me, but even if they don’t, I will try to not complain as long as I am healthy.

      Thank you HP! WIsh you a very happy new year.

  7. My Era said

    May 2017 prove to be the year that’ll keep you and your dear ones happy, content, healthy, peaceful and cherishing every moment of life to the best they can.

    You sure had an eventful 2016 but overall am glad to learn that finally you’re feeling healthier after a rather rough patch.

  8. My dear Pepper? What is life without some salt and pepper eh? 🙂 i am glad to see that you are trying to reconnect with your blog 🙂
    You’ve had a rocky 2016. Being a control freak myself, i can totally relate to what you have undergone. So must say Bravo to you girl!

    I totally understand you state of mind of moving into 2017 with no expectations. Somehow i have never been able to do that. No matter which curveball life has thrown at me, i enter each year hoping it will be better than last. If by mid year i dont see it being favourable, i tell myself – oh my personal new year begins with my birthday. This will surely be better now. 🙂 i am a chronic optimist. What to do Its in my DNA. I know that you have it somewhere in you too. So heres hoping that whatever challenges come your way, you surmount them successfully. Just in case you stumble try to remember that “one of the God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”.

    Tight {{hug}} jaadu ki jhappi wali 🙂

    • Pepper said

      True that! We need some spice in life, and the past year gave me plenty 😀

      Haha, I like your idea of chronic optimism and your belief that things will be good. I think I am quite optimistic too. But my idea of being optimistic is being prepared for things NOT being easy and still believing I will be fine. Maybe I should actually learn to believe that things will be good too.

      Big hugs to you too!

  9. senora said

    Happy to know that your eyes have healed. All the best for 2017!!

  10. Boiling said

    Oh that was tough. Hope your health improves this year. Hospitals *shudder*

    • Pepper said

      Hospitals made me shudder too. Now I don’t fear them the way I did earlier. That’s another good thing to have happened. I overcame some fears 🙂 Happy new year!

  11. pv said

    Its the darkest before dawn. Best wishes for a super 2017 .

  12. The Bride said

    Wowzer, it all sounds terrible! Well, the hospitalization part and the having to move in a week part. Hope once things settle down with your move (or have they already?) your health with recover. The relatively cleaner air of the Bay Area should be better for your eyes. I giggled at the thought of you bubble wrapping your magnets amid the confusion.

    • Pepper said

      My health is fine now. Touch wood. Eyes been okay right from October. Im not sure the air had a role to play, but yeah I can surely hope the cleaner air works for me.

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