A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint

Year 7 – Happy Anniversary, Mint

Posted by Pepper on July 15, 2017

Dear Mint,

Let me start by acknowledging the fact that this letter is late by several months. Our anniversary was in the end of March and I am writing this to you in the middle of July. I wonder what the delay implies. Have I stopped attaching significance to the ‘little things’ like the letters I have been writing to you? I hope not. I will attribute the delay to the changes and events that took us by complete surprise, made us sit up and scream ‘Oh My Goddd, is this really happening?’. I know you understand what I am talking about, so you will pardon and overlook the delay.

7 years of this crazy ride. How did we fare in the past year? I’m not quite sure. To start with, the first half of the year was so full of stress, so full of unanswered questions and well, drama. Should we move back to the US? Maybe not. Let’s try finding you another job that lets us stay in India. What? You aren’t able to find a single job that is comparable to your current one? Time is running out. What do we do? Give up on the US job offer too and stay without any job?

Maybe that is stupid. With no other job in hand, maybe we don’t have a choice but to move back to the US. But I don’t want to move. Should we give up on our dream of adopting a baby in order to make the move work? Is it worth it? Where is life headed?  Argghh. I remember being full of tantrums almost all year round, blaming you for our inability to ‘decide’, hating the uncertainty we were going through and feeling totally out of control. I think a lot of our potential moments were lost due to me either sulking or being hysterical.

To add to the issues we faced, I noticed how much you grew this year. And how much I didn’t. Of course, I am not talking about the wretched growing up that we adults have to do. I talk about the growth in your interests, passions and desires. What were just hobbies at one time turned into full blown passions. Your heightened interests in the world of board games and frisbee as a sport left me feeling disconnected.

You joined clubs, became a part of several groups, devoted exclusive time to understanding the subjects of your interest, took these ‘hobbies’ very seriously and reached a whole new level of involvement. Sadly, I didn’t discover any new passions of my own. The very geeky board games that we play will always remain a hobby for me, I doubt they will ever turn into a passion. I blamed you for allowing these activities to eat into our time together. You blamed me for being dispassionate about them.

I suppose these unmatched interests is something we just have to live with and work around. We’ve reached a point where you forgo a lot of your interests in order to spend time with me. But I keep wondering if you are masking the resentment that probably lies beneath? On most days, you seem very spontaneous about what you give up. So I do try to be equally spontaneous about letting you go and pursue your interests when I sense you really want to. Trying to maintain this equilibrium is hard work though, and I keep wishing our preferences were more aligned with each other’s.

And then there was the move. If I thought the act of moving was stressful and tiring, coping with the move has been far worse. Time and again I have compared my present life to the life I had back in Mumbai and each time I end up feeling like I’m getting a raw deal now. I know most others feel differently so let’s not debate that. But the massive changes and the associated discomforts made sure I wasn’t at my best behaviour. And you smilingly put up with it all.

I have to say, I have only been able to tide through the madness because of your reassuring presence. I love the way you hold me. It calms me down magically. The coming year is going to be very intense for us, probably the most intense and overwhelming one we’ve experienced so far. If we continue to hold on to each other and take one step at a time, I think we’ll be okay.

Here’s a picture one of our friends took of us when we were cuddling up. I love candid pictures. No pretense. No posing. No being self conscious. Pretty much like our relationship.

b12

Thank you for being there. Always.

All my love,

— Pepper

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10 Responses to “Year 7 – Happy Anniversary, Mint”

  1. Bikramjit said

    My best wishes to the two of you .. whatever it is however the situation is I am sure you both together can get through always..

    Take care and happy anniversary… here’s wishing many many mannnnnyyyyyyyyyyy more your way..

    God bless you both..

  2. scorpria said

    Awwwww. Wish you both a lot more love and many many MANY years of it, too!

  3. Nitya said

    Pep, you know I think you are being very hard on yourself. Moves are hard. a mid life move to this country from home is doubly hard! i know people say give it time and all that jazz and they are right but sant thodi hi ho ki youll do everything with calm, ease and a loving smile. What are you – reema laagoo from HAHK?! (side note, i was so shocked to hear abt her! RIP lady)

    happy anniversary, you gorgeous couple you. Continue to soar, cuddle, fight and be together!

    • Pepper said

      Nuttie, I love your comments. They always make me feel better. I start doubting myself so much because according to the whole world I am in a ‘better place’ and how dare I say it’s hard? It makes me wonder if something is wrong with me..

      Oh I was super shocked to hear about Reema Laagoo too. She was fairly young!

      Thank you!

  4. Belated anniversary wishes!
    Wish you many more years of love & togetherness ❤ ❤

  5. Suma said

    Belated anniversary wishes and wish you many more years of love, happiness and togetherness 🙂

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