A dash of Pepper…

…with a splash of Mint

This is YUGE! It changes everything – Part 8

Posted by Pepper on September 3, 2017

This is going to be the last part of this series. Here are a few moments that have stood out for me in this pregnancy.

We were waiting for one of my ultrasounds when we were handed out a form to fill. It asked for ‘Mother’s name and DOB’. Without a thought, I wrote down my mother’s name and date of birth. I was then laughed at and told that they needed my name and DOB. My name? As a mother? It was then that I realised how alien the idea of being a mother seemed to me. I relate more to being my mother’s child as opposed the being the mother of a child. Let alone the mother of two children!

****

For a very long time, Mint and I were stressed by the idea of managing two babies at once. I can’t say we aren’t stressed anymore, but there was this one little incident that made me go through an attitude shift. During an ultrasound, the doc suddenly exclaimed in the most excited way, ‘Oh look, the babies are holding hands!’. Now technically this isn’t possible. The babies are in two different sacs so they can’t have any actual skin contact.

But, the sacs are thin membranes, more like plastic bags and the babies can almost touch each other. On the screen, we could see Baby A and Baby B reaching out to each other and doing something like a handshake with their *tiny* hands. The doctor went ‘AWWWW’ and I think in that one instant I did too. What an adorable sight. That’s when I decided. I know we are in for a tough ride, but with such cute things around us, I know we have a lot to celebrate and look forward to.

****

If anyone were to ask me what I believe is the hardest thing I have done for these babies so far, I will have a ready response. Abstaining from caffeine! I can’t believe I completely gave up tea and coffee for so many months. There have been times I have been craving that taste, for the feel of that one droplet of coffee to fall on my tongue. Those times I take a sniff of the filter coffee decoction. Caffeine addiction is a very real thing.

I also crave for cups of adrak wali chai (ginger tea) and a hot bowl of Maggi masala. All things I completely gave up and believe I need a pat on the back for.

****

We attended a ‘Caring for a new born class’ which again told me how unprepared I am to care for a baby. They gave us life size new born dolls which we had to hold correctly, swaddle, diaper, clean, cradle, etc. I couldn’t even hold the doll the right way. I have to say Mint is a pro and I have no idea where he learnt this skill from. All my life I have refused to hold a new born or any baby while they have wobbly necks. I usually sit in the center of the bed and have somebody place them on my lap. Now I am going to be made to care for not one, but two new born babies at once. Fun times.

****

I have tried my best to smile through this pregnancy but God it has been really hard. The killing back ache, the burning acid reflux, the complete lack of sleep, the swelling and pain in my feet, it just doesn’t end. Here is a pic of my sumo wrestler foot. The swelling extends from my toes and goes up to my thighs. And trust me when I say this, the pics don’t capture how bad it is. I am unable to stuff my feet into any shoes. I have some special adjustable velcro slippers that I wear.

foot1foot2

For perspective, here are my pre-pregnancy feet/legs. I swear they were a quarter of the size they are now. This swelling really sucks.

legs (2)

It also keeps annoying me that I can’t trim my toe nails. I just can’t bend over with my belly obstructing practically everything. And between managing his full time job and an endless commute and cooking and handing me meals and taking care of the dishes and massaging my feet and back 20 times a day, Mint has no time to clip my nails.

I must add here that my mom arrived last week and what a refreshing change it was. Things have now smoothed out and her presence is so reassuring. We are so so relieved. When mama is there, everything is taken care of.

****

We still haven’t finalised the names for the babies, but what we seem to have made up our mind about is their last name. In my ideal world, our kids would have both Mint and my last name, with a hyphen. Mint however has argued with me and insisted that he wants the kids to have only my last name. He has a lot of logical reasons which I will not get into here, but it took me a while to adjust to the idea of our kids only carrying my last name. Social conditioning runs deep.

My thought process has evolved and I now agree with Mint when he says that if the kids were to have only one last name, it should be the mother’s. After all the pains of pregnancy and child birth and breast feeding a woman goes through, it makes no sense to him when only the man’s name gets passed on. Have I already mentioned I love my feminist husband?

And so our kids will have only my last name. Period. You can imagine how my in-laws are reacting to this. Maybe I should do a separate post on this last name issue.

****

Finally, the big news. The babies are going to be here in 10 days! I cannot for the life of me believe it. Baby B was not growing too well due to space constraints and was diagnosed with IUGR. We are also facing some other complications that I will not get into now. So keeping all that in mind, they made the decision to pull them out early. I know they are going to be very little when they are born and may need help in the initial stages. I hope I am able to post once again before they arrive, but if not, please do pray for us!

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89 Responses to “This is YUGE! It changes everything – Part 8”

  1. Pepper, your post cemented my thoughts that with the right person by your side, pregnancy is all worth its pain.
    Though you are just giving an update of the situation and discussing your thoughts and feelings, all I can feel is love vibrating throughout the post. Towards mint, towards the babies, towards Amma and their love for you. It is all just too sweet. 😍 I will be waiting for the post on names. It is just too interesting.
    Don’t worry, the babies will come out all okay. Enjoy all these mixed feelings while they last and have a safe delivery. 😍😃

  2. Pepper, By the way, where and how in this world did you find a man like mint? I just can’t stop wondering! 😋😉

    • Pepper said

      Think I have shared my love story and how I met Mint in a post somewhere. Maybe I ended up password protecting it at some point. Will try and share it with you 🙂

  3. Preethi said

    May you have a smooth delivery Pepper and all my prayers are with you and Mint!
    A big hats off to Mint for choosing your surname to be carried on. There are some men who think on the same lines as Mint but they don’t dare to implement it for fear of facing pressure from family.
    Sit back, relax and enjoy all the pampering from your mom. Good luck dear

  4. Preethi said

    May you have a smooth delivery Pepper and all my prayers are with you and Mint!
    A big hats off to Mint for choosing your surname to be carried on. There are some men who think on the same lines as Mint but they don’t dare to implement it for fear of facing pressure from family.
    Sit back, relax and enjoy all the pampering from your mom. Good luck dear

  5. shwethays said

    I too share your experience of filling out my parents name and my dob in those hospital forms. It took some time to get used to the idea of filling mine and Hubby name in those spaces . All the best with your journey of parenthood.

  6. Anu said

    Best wishes Pepper & Mint!
    May you have a safe delivery and two healthy babies at the end of this difficult pregnancy, Pepper! 🙂

  7. Good luck!

  8. Just 10 more days….and you are doing an excellent job of hanging in there with positivity…All the very best for delivery and post delivery phase

  9. What a man, that husband of yours. WHAT. A. MAN.
    Safe delivery, Pepper! Sending huge truckloads of good thoughts and wishes your way xoxo

  10. Devi said

    Hiii… i have been silently following your blog since ages but this post made me finally write to you. Hugs and best wishes dear..it will get better they say.. well from my experience it eventually gets more enjoyable.Stay blessed!!
    I know you will get super busy but dont give up blogging.Will look forward to the chronicles of the twins.

  11. Bhavani said

    Oh Wow in 10 days!!! exciting !!! Glad mom is here!! All the best wishes Pepper and Mint!! Prayers for the smooth arrival of the bundles!!

    -Bhavani

  12. scorpria said

    Awwwwww. Many many hugs and prayers! Wish the whole family a blessed time.

  13. Savitha said

    Take care, Pepper. I will keep praying, please let us know when they are born. Take good care.

  14. Elizabeth said

    Oh Pepper, best wishes you and Mint. I think not believing yourselves to be a mother is going to take a long time. I still wonder about the same even though my daughter is 5 years. At times, I look at my kids and wonder – did I actually had this child in my tummy?
    Having your mother around is huge and trust me, you will start appreciating mothers double fold now.

    Take care and hope you enjoy the next phase despite the sleeplessness and fatigue. Things do eventually get better and it is all worth it 🙂

  15. Sending lots of prayers and good strength your way 🙂

  16. Best of luck 🙂 and i hope enjoy all the moments to come

  17. Ranjini said

    I want to say a lot of things but I’m just going to say this. It’s going to be okay- the swelling, labor, delivery, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, all of it. I promise it will be. Eventually.

    And that husband of yours, what a gem!

    Lots of love to you and the babies. 🙂

  18. Suba said

    Wishing you the very best Pepper, hoping you have a smooth delivery and both the babies and you do very well and have fun 🙂

  19. Trish said

    Lots of love and prayers your way, Pepper! Can’t wait to hear about the babies’ arrival 😍 and Twins!! Wow!

  20. SA said

    Pepper – I am so excited for you guys! If it happens that the baby(ies) need to be in the NICU, dont stress about it. NICU saved me with my twins, i really appreciated those 6 days I got to recover when they were in NICU!!! Your body really gets tired after the whole birthing process that you really will appreciate the few days you get to take care of yourself when the babies are in expert hands and well taken care of. I had a very rough delivery – had eclampsia and had to have emergency c-sec and just couldnt function for a few days post-op. And if it so happens that they feed the babies formula in the NICU, so be it. There is a lot of pressure in the ‘mommy’ communities where they are militant about breastfeeding. Dont let that get to you. Once you recover a few days after delivery you can try to wean them off formula if you so choose. Plus there are two of them, in my experience not all mommies can produce enough to exclusively bf two babies for a long time. Just pointing out some realities. 🙂 Enjoy the ride! And bid sleep farewell! 🙂 Love and hugs!

    • Pepper said

      I’m going to write a separate post on how the NICU was such a savior for us. I totally and completely understand what you mean when you say we need to appreciate that time given to us.

      Sigh. We did have to bid sleep farewell. I can’t stop missing it. That’s the part I find the hardest.

  21. Prayers and good wishes! Hoping to hear that all went well.

  22. A big big hug to you Pepper! When I saw the thumbnail picture I thought you are posting pics of your babies feet but I was zapped when I read your post. You are a brave woman and a strong mother. Don’t worry about the IUGR bit. My son was an IUGR baby. He was impatient like his mother and couldn’t wait to complete 9 months:-) He decided to come out on the last day of 8th month. He was just 1.9 kgs when I got him home but the mothers milk did the magic. Within 3 weeks he was literally in the pink of his health 🙂 I am sure all 3 of you will be absolutely fine and healthy. You are in my prayers. Much love to you 🙂

    • Pepper said

      Thank you! 1.9 kgs sounds like such a sweet birth weight to me. You’ve no idea HOW SMALL our babies were. Anyway, we’re past that thankfully and they’re gaining weight well. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers 🙂

  23. wifeathome said

    Hi pepper

    Which week they r coming? Over 35 i think.. right?

    Gud luck

    Regards
    Shweta

  24. S said

    You would be getting the best of both the worlds to be experienced with a boy and a girl, unlike if you had both girls/boy. Enjoy the ride! We are waiting to hear their antics and how they make you sweat out. You would make a balance parents the calm Mint and excited, cannot waiting type of you 😉
    May the little girl who was so ‘un-coperative and fidgety’ not letting you ‘see’ her be the one who breaks the stereotype that boys are the troublemaker and girls are quiet etc etc just like her Dad is breaking them!
    Take care and all the best!

  25. Shreya said

    Kudos to you for all the patience!! Your feet definitely look very scary… but the good part is you are almost done with this phase now….the tough part is about to begin 😉 Wish you have an easy delivery and speedy recovery…You have an adorable Husband and may both of you enjoy and cherish each little moment as This is YUGE! It will change everything… 🙂 Will pray for you…Stay blessed

  26. Shini said

    May you and the little bundles of joy stay healthy always. Take care.

  27. Swati said

    Best of Luck !!

  28. My Era said

    Sending loads of positive vibes, good wishes, love and prayers for you and the little darlings. Take care Pepper!

  29. Aarti said

    My prayers and good wishes are with you

  30. Thinkking said

    All the best with the pregnancy!

    ///
    `My thought process has evolved and I now agree with Mint when he says that if the kids were to have only one last name, it should be the mother’s. After all the pains of pregnancy and child birth and breast feeding a woman goes through, it makes no sense to him when only the man’s name gets passed on. Have I already mentioned I love my feminist husband?`
    ///

    I disagree with this comment about your husband being a feminist.

    While it is great that the your last name is getting passed down rather than your husband’s last name, where is feminism here? Even your own mom’s name is left out there. Ultimately the same history of just the man’s name is getting passed down. It is always the man who gets credit. So there is no feminism. It is just displaced credit from your husband’s name to your dad’s name.

    Neither you nor your mom have got any credit for being the mother who bore all the pain. Which is unfortunately sad.

    Had you stuck to your name and your husband’s name, then yes, it is break though feminism.

    • Pepper said

      Yep, I do agree with you partially. My dad’s name is being passed on to my kids. My mom’s name is nowhere. Mint and I have discussed this too. (Btw, we even considered giving our kids my mom’s maiden name, but I wasn’t comfortable with that, because I would rather choose ‘my’ last name)

      I didn’t choose my own name. My parents did. And they were conditioned into only using my dad’s name. That damage is already done. But we can choose for our kids now.

      I’m not sure I agree with this statement of yours, ‘Neither you nor your mom have got any credit for being the mother who bore all the pain. Which is unfortunately sad.’
      Why do you think I don’t get the credit for bearing all the pain? I consider my dad’s last name to be my own now. So I do think they get my name.

      Not sure what you mean by your last statement too, ‘Had you stuck to your name and your husband’s name, then yes, it is break though feminism.’
      Could you explain? I did stick to my name and my husband stuck to his. Or are you saying our kids should have had both my name and my husband’s name?

      • Thinkking said

        “Btw, we even considered giving our kids my mom’s maiden name, but I wasn’t comfortable with that, because I would rather choose ‘my’ last name”

        Its just that I feel the society is too conditioned to use the dad’s name in the last name, that we find it awkward to use the mom’s name as last name as it subconsciously does not feel right or good. And I believe it will take years before everyone feels good about using a female name as the last name as we are not used to it.

        Since you feel your last name is your name, then it makes sense that you feel you got credit. My thought was more in terms of your name and your mom’s name never getting into the kid’s name. Thereby not getting any credit. I felt your first name was your name and your last name was your dad’s name 😉

        I am however curious why you both decided to not use your husband’s last name and the reasoning behind it.

        “Could you explain? I did stick to my name and my husband stuck to his. Or are you saying our kids should have had both my name and my husband’s name?”
        – Yes, using your name and your husband’s name makes it feel like there is equality in giving credit to both of you for the kid or so I feel – again it does not mean there is no equality if the names of both the parents are not used.

        In the end, I do agree that everyone should name their kids the way they wish to and the way that makes the parents happy. Thats all matters. I wish you and your babies a great future.

  31. seema3 said

    Babies must be here 🙂 Congrats and happy Parenting..You both will njoy this phase of life too..Hugs

  32. Jyotsna said

    Thinking of you. Wishing you a safe delivery and healthy babies. welcome to the world peppermint. Lots of love….

  33. Sri said

    Best Wishes Pepper!!! God bless the little ones with all the good health, Wealth and happiness

  34. Priya said

    Hi Pepper,
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Wish you a safe delivery!

  35. Sujatha R said

    any update ? have been eagerly checking the blog every day

  36. Deepa said

    I hope darling everything did go well for you with the babies and you must be a proud momma by now. I will be by to see you and them soon that is if you’re upto having eager visitors. Hope I’m able to get in touch with you as I’m sure you have all limbs full right now. Can’t wait to see the cutie patooties and you too.

  37. wifeathome said

    Pepper how r u n the babie…long time mo update

  38. Bhavani said

    Waiting to hear the baby news Pepper. Hope things are well with you and babies. Wishing all the best. Take care
    -Bhavani

  39. shwethays said

    Hi how are you doing? Guess the babies are keeping you busy. Take care

  40. Anon said

    How are you pepper? Hope you and the babies are doing well. Saw a reply on a comment here, so thought of asking. Send us all avid followers a one line update!

    Love,
    Anon

    • Pepper said

      Anon, thank you for your comment. It was your comment that gave me the push to write my next post. It was something I had been meaning to do for a while, but never got around to doing it.

  41. Congrats! 🙂 Happy parenting time 😀

  42. Swaram said

    Hey. Landed in the blog world after ages, and what a post to read to start with. Congratulations. Look forward to know more. 🙂
    This sounds so exciting!

  43. Aarti said

    Hi Pepper , how are you ? Wishing you and the babies great health !

  44. […] they went ahead and scheduled my C-section for a date just 10 days away! That is what I mentioned in this post, that the babies were coming in 10 […]

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