Every time I walked in and out of office, I noticed B eyeing me hesitantly. Sometimes he would even come up to me, seemingly wanting to talk. But then an apparent flicker of uncertainty would make him change his mind and turn away. When it went on for a few days and I was reasonably sure something was up, I asked him if he wanted to talk to me about something. His gaze was unsure and he looked anxious.
This was unusual. B is one of our oldest employees. He has worked in our office as a peon for over 35 years. He takes pride in telling the world that he has been in our company much before I was even born. He has a reputation for being bold and outspoken. So I was curious. What was causing him to be so anxious and unsure? It was very unlike him. I was concerned. He has been extremely loyal to us and I wanted to make sure we do everything we can to make sure he is alright.
Finally he told me. He wanted the company to loan him a massive sum of money as an advance payment. The number made my jaw drop. What do you need so much money for? My daughter is getting married, he said. Here is the list of things I am supposed to buy for the boy. Saying that, he placed a sheet of paper on the table. I glanced at it. Washing machine. Microwave. Mixer grinder. Pressure cooker. Silver tumblers. It went on.
Shocked, I asked him what this was. I told him he shouldn’t be forced to buy all of this. It is dowry. And dowry is a criminal offence. Did the boy demand these things? In which case, I could help him report the matter to the police. He looked at me as though I was an alien. He said the boy hadn’t made those demands, but they were unspoken rules. The bride had to come with these ‘gifts’. There were no two ways about it. It was the way of the world. We couldn’t go against it.
I sat him down and had a long conversation with him. I tried very hard to make him believe that it needn’t be like that. He could indeed get his daughter married without having to buy these ‘gifts’ for the groom. He countered my arguments with a lot of examples from his family and village. He told me I came from a different world and I was unaware of the ground realities. He told me I would never understand his lack of choice. If he didn’t do this, nobody from his community or social circle would marry his daughter. And if she remained unmarried, his younger daughter wouldn’t find a suitable groom either. Both his daughters would continue to be a burden on him. And his community would also make life hell for him.
We talked and talked that day. My reasoning would just not appeal to him. It was all too unrealistic in his opinion. Fed up, I decided to let go. I also refused to sanction his advance. I told him I refused to support such ideas and I would not help him out in this. Over the next few days, we grew distant from each other.
I could see B getting more distraught by the day. I knew he was in dire need of money. The stress was showing on him. I had several conversations and debates with myself. Was not giving him the money solving the real problem? No. Was giving him the money encouraging and supporting such behaviour? Maybe. Since I didn’t know what to do, I ignored the conflicting voices in my head and sat over it.
Weeks passed. I found out that B had tried to get personal loans from several other sources. He had been unsuccessful in all his attempts. The worry was beginning to make him physically ill. At any time, he always looked bogged down and distressed. Despite all my inner voices, I tried to overlook his condition. I must say though, this was very hard for me. I felt torn.
At one point, his desperation peaked and he came to me with tears in his eyes. He begged me to sanction the advance. This time, he told me he wasn’t planning to buy the ‘gifts’. He would only use the money for partial wedding expenses. We both knew how obvious his lie was. I remained silent for some time. The pressure to make the right decision was weighing me down. I realised then that I would never really be able to determine what was truly right.
I shut my eyes for a second, took a deep breath and give him my nod of approval. He gave me a big smile and told me I had taken away a lot of his struggles. I told him I was glad. As for me, my struggle to ascertain the rightness of my decision continues..