I have been pressuring myself to write for sometime now. As usual, I end up doing nothing about it. I can see my ability to write disappearing slowly and I want to do something about it before its too late. We created a wedding website in which we had to fill in sections about each other and our story. To write a single line I had to puff, pant and heave. I accept, writing about Mint has always been difficult and overwhelming. I never seem to find the right words to describe my emotions and feelings. I even scoured through my blog to see if there was anything appropriate I had written about him which I could use. I finally picked just a line or two from some old posts. But the struggle made me dream of the days when I had the ability casually churn out a post as long as my thesis.
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Talking about the wedding website, it is one thing I have been most excited about. I totally love checking the guestbook and seeing an added entry. I love reading what people have to say about us. I love rereading all the pages we have written. I love solving the puzzle (a distorted picture of us where the pieces have to be fit in place), although I suck at it. And what fun it is to give ourselves so much of importance and actually believe the world is jobless enough to stare at our picture and fix it in place.
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The wedding expenses have gone so out of control that they make my gut twist, turn and reel inside me. I don’t want to mention the obscene amount that has gone into my wedding. But it saddens me no end. I feel I am robbing my parents of all the savings they could have had. Moreover, there seems to be no end to the upcoming expenditure and nobody knows at what point to stop. If it were in my hands, I would never allow it to be this grand and this rich. I’d settle for something low key and inexpensive. Alas, nothing really is in my hands.
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Despite all the efforts we are taking and money we are spending to organise the whole marriage, I have some nagging fears of falling short in some aspect or the other. I know people will never be pleased and there will always be some amount of bitching and back biting. I have told my parents to be prepared and learn to ignore it. Being the wonderful person that I am, I have always been a snooty bitch myself when it comes to weddings. I’ve been judgemental (and only let my family know my true opinions and judgments) about everything, including the variety and quality of food offered, the arrangements, the clothes on display, the bridal outfits, the decor, the warmth and attitude of the hosts, etc. Now that we are at the forefront, I understand how difficult it is manage the whole event and how easy it is to slip somewhere. Like Mint said to me, my past behavior is going to come and bite me in my ass, big time.
More in the next post.
Pepper
A dash of Pepper... 