It’s my life!

I am exhausted. Too exhausted to even explain how exhausted I am. I miss this space terribly, but every time I think of stopping by, that one feeling takes precedence – exhaustion. I’ve spent the past few months pleading and negotiating with God for one night of good sleep. That is yet to happen.

I don’t even attempt to shower everyday. The act calls for more energy than I possess. I don’t think I qualify as a palatable specie of the human race.  And I am beyond caring.

We still try and do small things to keep ourselves sane. Head out for lunch sometimes. Or even run to the grocery store to break out of the feed, burp, diaper cycle. But each trip is all about juggling between Cotton and Candy and we end up even more exhausted. Those little trips are important though. We pick exhaustion over insanity.

‘We have no life’, I cried to Mint on a cold Saturday afternoon. He insisted that we should step out and take a walk. As usual, I was ready with my standard response. I feel too exhausted to stir. He reminded me that exhaustion was going to be our default state for a long time but we simply have to get our act together and move on.

So after a little bit of coaxing from him, we strapped Cotton and Candy into their carriers and head out of the door. We do go for walks every now and then but just like everything else, it requires a fair bit of convincing from Mint. I need to be assured that I can do it. I will survive the exhaustion and it will be worth it.

Cotton and Candy love watching the big buses that roll by every now and then. We get a change of scene and some fresh air. So I tell myself it is worth it. We’ll remember the walk we had on this chilly afternoon.

We picked up some hot chocolate as we passed by a tiny store and that swirling cup of chocolate warming my hands made me feel a new kind of delight. We continued chatting as we stopped by a crossing. We spoke about how different our life is now and how we have learnt to find joy in small things. And as we waited to cross the road, I happened to spot this. It was scrawled on a post.

I burst out laughing thinking of how appropriate this seemed to be. Dear stranger, thank you for leading me to the truth. I appreciate you taking the time out to make sure I am aware of my lack of life. Because of course, if I am not speeding by, if I am not rushed enough, if I actually have the time to stand and stare, I have no life.